Day before departure

Today I had a total panick attack. I have felt pretty good up until this point but for some reason I flipped out. The first thing I did when I woke up was look into getting a massage. I can't really afford it, but I wasn't sure what else to do. So I called Massage Envy and made an appointment after getting the final rounds of immunization shots. It is only $35 for one hour massage for first time customers. I didn't know this, but they want people to buy a membership, so they give potential clients a deal. Who knew people got massages once a week? When I called to make the appointment they asked if I wanted a deep tissue or just the swedish massage. I told them I would like a little of both. I figured my shoulders and neck needed the deep tissue to relive the stress, but didn't want the rest of my body to feel sore. They said "Great! we can do that. I will set you up with Amanda. She can do both".

Apparantly, that is not the case. According to Amanda, you can't do a half of a deep tissue massage and half swedish massage, it is all or nothing baby. I told her what they said when I booked the appointment, and she seemed to get uber frustrated with me. That did not help my stress. So I started to feel guilty, like I did something wrong. Then the guilt turned into resentment. I resented that she made me feel bad about what I wanted. Truth is she didn't make me feel any of those things. I made myself feel that way. I have been working on allowing myself to feel what I feel and express it without GUILT. I often supress my feelings because I don't want to rock the boat. So practicing on this unsuspecting massage therapist seemed like a good idea. I told her "I feel uncomfortable because it seems you are frustrated with what I requested." She responded " OH NO! I am so sorry I didn't mean to come off that way. Just relax and I will take care of you." Amazing!! It worked! As soon as I told her how I felt, a weight was lifted off my shoulders, and I was able to fully enjoy the massage.