Flashback - 4/20/10 - "Balancing Act"

It is interesting how taking one step forward in the journey of life reveals more about the journey you used to be on. I came on this adventure with the hope of learning about the Kenyan lifestyle, people, and most of all how I can serve Kenyans in need. But during the process I am learning what defined me before and what I want to define me now. Basically, I am learning the definition of "Tracy".

Until this trip I never realized how much and how often I taper my feelings to accommodate others. In stead of just owning my emotions, I worry about the other person's feelings. I am terrified of rocking the boat. I am terrified that if I express my feelings of anger, disappointment, or annoyance I will be seen as combative, thoughtless,selfish, difficult, or offensive.** In my head I know you can show grace, mercy and love even when expressing feelings of anger, but in my heart it freakin' scares me. I am slowly starting to realize I am only responsible for my feelings and actions. I have no control over anyone else and how they feel. I pray that I can work towards balancing validating others feelings while acknowledging my own.

** Since I struggle so much with defining what my emotions are I had to use http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/feelings.html. I am thinking I need to carry around a copy of that list for awhile.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/20/10 - Peaks and Valleys

There is no denying it. I am at my breaking point. I am tired of mosquito nets with holes, toilets that are just a hole in the ground, cup showers you take outside, bugs, no T.V., no coffee, the smell, the crazy matatu rides, the smog in Thika and Nairobi, and..... OH MY GOODNESS! I just looked outside the Safari van window to see the most beautiful sight I have ever seen - Mt. Kilimanjaro. If only I were a poet, I would have the words to describe this magnificent piece of land. Do you even call a the largest mountain in Kenya rising to 19,340 ft. a "piece of land"? Anyway, this majestic creation of God has my emotions stirring, in a good way. Like when you hear the National Anthem play, or when someone expresses their love for you, or when you find that perfect pair of shoes or when "The Bachelor" gets down on one knee to propose, even though you know it is a sham or best of all, when God shows Himself to you. I find it quite interesting that just as I was complaining about the gift which I have been praying for for more than two years, a volunteer trip to Africa, God shows Himself to me. Man, is God cool! He knows how to put you in your place through beauty, not anger. I guess that is why we call him God.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?


** The second picture is of the pool at our lodge in Amboseli. We weren't expecting to stay here. Another example of God putting me in my place.

Flashback - 04/20/10 - Thank God for Butter

Today was a hard day. We woke up at 6am to watch the sun-rise and prepare for a stroll around Lake Nakuru traveling to a hot spring. Well unbeknown to me, it wasn't a stroll it was a 10 mile hike lasting 3 hours. I was mentally complaining the entire time so much so that I couldn't enjoy the beautiful scenery. Once we finally arrived at the hot spring I started to lighten up a bit. I don't know if it was the fact that we made it before I turned 34 or if it was the naked man we saw bathing in the hot spring. Unfortunately, we didn't see his "jewels" but I did get to watch his six pack glisten in the sun. Soaking in the hot spring was amazingly relaxing and perfect after our long hike. After soaking in the water for about an hour we set out to Hells Gate.

Our plan was to see the wildlife on Lake Navisha (flamingos and rhinos)then take a bike ride through Hells Gate to the Hells Gate Gorge and go for a hike. My first mistake was imagining our bike ride would be similar to pedaling a beach cruiser along the Newport Beach boardwalk. I have been in Kenya long enough to know that nothing here is like Orange County, California. Let me rephrase that. Nothing in the world is like Orange County, California. Good, bad or indifferent it is the truth. My second mistake was letting my negative thoughts control my day.

When we arrived to the Hells Gate National Park, Stanley took us right to Lake Navisha to seek out rhinos and see the pink flamingos. There were so many flamingos it looked like a lake of Pepto Bismol. And while I am on the subject, Pepto Bismol has saved my life on this trip! Anyway, after taking some pictures by the Sea of Pepto, we drove around looking for a rhino. Not only did we see one we saw a BLACK rhino. There are less than 50 black rhino left in the world, which makes them officially extinct. My day was getting better! The excitement of seeing something so rare re-energized me. I was ready for the next leg of the day, the bike and hike of Hells Gate Gorge.

We rented three bikes because Stanley and Esther had to take the Safari van to get the transmission fixed. The debacle of the broken transmission is another story that I have chosen to forget. Since Stanley wasn't with us, Kathy, Mike and I were left to fend for ourselves. No big deal, it is just five miles to the gorge and on a bike it would be a breeze! Not so much. The bikes we rented were so old I think they were made during the cold war. The handles were placed in a weird position, the seat was a piece of metal with leather over made to look like it was padded, which it was not. Thankfully we had rubber on the tires. I quickly realized my "beach boardwalk" was a path-o-rocks. After about 30 minutes of riding and only going one mile, Kathy's bike broke. She was pedaling, but the tires weren't moving. Our choices were to walk the bikes the rest of the way to the gorge, or have Mike take the bike back to get another. Kathy and I chose the latter. I can't tell you how long it took, but while Kathy and I were waiting we saw tons of zebras and a mama with her baby giraffe. That made up for the bike fiasco. Finally, Mike arrived with the new bike and off we went.

Once we reached the gorge we hired a tour guide to take us thousands of miles down to the inside of the gorge. Okay, it might not have been thousands of miles down, but Hells Gate Gorge is like a baby Grand Canyon. We told our guide we wanted the 45minute mini tour, not the five hour tour. It was quite an experience hiking in the gorge. We had to build a human chain to get from one rock to the next. By the time we made it to the bottom of the gorge, what the locals call "hell", we were already at the 45 minute mark. And of course to get out of the gorge you must climb up to "heaven". By the time we got up to "heaven" we had invested four hours on this journey and we still had to go back. I would like to say the bike ride back wasn't as bad as the way in, but it was worse. We got caught up in both a rain storm and a dust storm. Seriously!?!?

I will admit it, I am being a tad ungrateful but it was a hard day. Deep down I am very grateful and know I will look back on this day with humor but right now the only thing I can be grateful for is the half a loaf of bread and butter I ate to comfort myself :)



GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?