Tonight for dinner we had Chipati which is basically flour and water made into a dough like substance and then fried with animal lard. It is really good, but doesn't help my ever expanding waist line.
I thought I would lose weight while I was over here, so I intentionally put on a few extra pounds before coming. But now that I am here, the exact opposite happened. I have gained weight. I don't know how much I have gained because there isn't a scale but my pants are really tight and I just feel yucky. I wonder why? Umm, maybe it is because all I have been eating is carbs and sugars. Here is an example of my daily meal plan:
6:30am cliff bar (I brought those from home)
7:30am breakfast (which consists of bread and tea)
10:00am cliff bar
10:15am candy/trail mix
11:00am cliff bar
1:00pm lunch (rice and beans)
1:15pm candy, cookies, pb&j
3:00pm cliff bar,sugar cane,tail mix
5:00pm banana
7:00pm dinner (rice and beans)
8:30pm candy, cookies, pb&j, banana
I know some of you reading this are thinking "Tracy is complaining about gaining weight? Seriously?!?" Well no matter how much you weigh, if you put on a few pounds and can no longer zip your pants it is hard to be at peace with it.
Right now I am totally thinking like an American and it's embarrassing! Why am I concerned about how I will look in my bathing suit this summer? There are starving children all around me! I can blame it on the American culture, but I am the one in control of what I believe to be true about myself. So the "weigh" I see it, I can keep obsessing about how much I have gained OR I can stop being so narcissistic.
Unfortunately at this moment and time, I chose vanity. My identity is wrapped up in how thin I am and I don't think I am in a place emotionally to let go of that. I pray that God help me see myself in His loving eyes, not the eyes of the judgemental enemy.
GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?
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