Flashback - 5/4/10 - "Zawandi - The Gift"

Today we picked up the chaff cutter and the cow. I have to admit my anxiety was quite extreme until we had the cutter and the cow in our possession.

For this last entry on my 2010 trip to Kenya I want to share my prayer. It is unedited. I want to show people that you can have a conversation with God and He will still answer your prayers.

"Good morning my lovely God!
Today we go buy the cow and pick-up the Chaff Cutter. you know what you did yesterday and I thank you. Pray for this gift to be long lasting and grow WWB.

I am so happy when I am doing your work. It is interesting huh! :) Yesterday the enemy tried to get in the way, but you stepped in and stopped the enemy. I got anxious at the bank and Internet, but soon calmed down. I got nervous because about the Chaff Cutter being in the car since it has a very sharp blade. I was worried we would wreck and it would kill us all, but the Holy Spirit suffocated those fears.

I thank you for this time with you and your children. If nothing else comes of it, I got to know you better.

I pray that the new cow produces 15 - 17 liters per day. I pray she one day births a baby heifer. I pray the training will change all three men's lives. I pray that we have safe travels to Thika and back. I pray for Mr. Wachira to split the training with me. I would like for it to be under 2,00 ksh. Is it too much to ask for it to be free? I think I will just ask if he will split it with me instead. That seems more reasonable as I have so much more than him.

I thank you for today and for safe travels home on Thursday. Please watch over the kids today in school.

Oh! If there is an animal angel, I pray He tell Roxy that I am on my way home.

I dearly love you and all that you have provided me."


GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 5/3/10 - "The Chaff Cutter Angel"

Once we dropped Mrs. Thairu off we went about our way in search of the Ectopour tick medicine, Highline feed, molasses, cement, and the ever important Chaff Cutter.

Mr. Wachira dropped Zach and I off at a feed store while he went to a friends of his hardware store to check on a price for the Chaff Cutter. That store was all sold out, so Mr. Wachira went to another friends store while Zach and I got the cement, molasses,and minerals. When we all met up again, Mr. Wachira came back empty handed. He tried four stores and not one of them had a cutter in stock. Usually during the rainy season stores are full of chaff cutters, but evidently people bought them early.

Not having the cutter changes everything. There will be no reason to get the cow if they don't have the proper equipment to take care of such a quality heifer. So if we can't find one, what am I supposed to do? Why would God send me all the way over here just to buy cement and feed? I started to loose faith, but something told me it would all work out. I don't know if it was my arrogance telling me that I usually get what I want or the Holy Spirit telling me to relax.

I asked Mr. Wachira if we could try one more place. He found one on the way out of town, but he didn't know the people who owned the store. At first it looked promising, but after much conversation Mr. Wachira turned to me with a sad look on his face. They didn't have any either. My heart dropped, but I wasn't going to just leave it at that. I am the type of person who goes about things from every angle. My tenacity has gotten me many things in life. My philosophy is ask and you shall receive. I started talking to the owner about the orphanage and what I was trying to accomplish. I guess the owner felt inspired to take part in the project. He called a hand full of stores in Nairobi. One store said they had one but it was manual, not with a motor. That was better than nothing, but not really what we needed. The owner saw the disappointment on my face and called the store in Nairobi back. I don't know what he said, but I could tell the tone of his voice to the person on the other end of the line was colorful. After being on the phone for quite some time, he looked at me and smiled. They had found a motor at another store. The price was what I was expecting, 35,000 ksh but they wouldn't go down on price, but they would do the delivery for free. Mr. Wachira was so happy. He said "Madame Tracy, you have shown me how faith in God can bring good things." It will be in Thika tomorrow at 3pm, two days before I leave.


I pray that those who don't have a relationship with God see His beauty and the happiness he brings to people.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flasback - 5/3/10 - "The Cow Angel"

This entire journey has had God written all over it, but today He did something amazing. Mr. Wachira, Zach and I went to Thika to get all the supplies we need for the Agricultural and Farming Development Plan. Mr. Wachira was kind enough to offer to drive us to Thika because there is no way we would be able to get all the supplies on a Matatu. On the way Mr. Wachira told me he wasn't able to find anyone in or around the village who had a cow for sale. But he said that if we couldn't get one before I left, which is only three days away, we could maybe find one in Nairobi.

On our way to Thika we stopped in Makuyu so Mr. Wachira could get his car insurance note. When he got out he said he would be back in five minutes. Well five minutes passed, then ten, then twenty and finally about thirty minutes later he comes back. He said it took so long because they didn't have it ready like they promised. Just as we were on our way again, Mr. Wachira saw a friend, Mrs. Thairu, walking and stopped the car to say hello. You see in Kenya, people take time to visit with friends not matter what is going on. Well come to find out she was on her way to Thika, but had planned on taking a Matutu. Mr. Wachira wouldn't hear of it, and gave her a ride. They mostly spoke to each other in Swahili, so I don't really know what they said. But I do know she was sent from God.

Mr. Wachira explained to her who I was and why we were riding to Thika together. He told her about the orphanage and that the kids don't get milk. Well low and behold, she has a dairy cow for sale that produces 14 - 18 liters of milk a day. That is not as much as we had hoped, but it should get each kid one glass per day. Mr. Wachira asked how much and she said 60,000 ksh (which is what I had in my budget) but he told her I had only 50,000 ksh to spend. She took a moment to think about it and said she would sell it to me for 35,000 ksh. Seriously!?!?! Sold to the white lady in the front seat! She said since I had come all the way from America to buy a cow for the kids she could give me a deal. She cut her price in half and I didn't have to say a darn thing! Sold to the white lady

I asked Mr. Wachira what to do next. Do we just pick the cow up on the way home? Do they deliver? How does this work? He said first we go and look at the cow to make sure it is good quality like she said and then if we like her, we buy her.

Once we arrived to Thika we said our goodbyes. Mr. Wachira told her we would stop by her farm on our way home. After she got out of the car Mr. Wachira turned to me and said "Madame Tracy, God is good, so very good! You see, Mrs. Thairu lives just three miles from the orphanage, so you don't have to worry about transporting the cow to WWB, you can just walk her there. Also, Mrs. Thairu has a car but for some reason today she decided to ride the matutu. And you know like I do, that if she had not been on her way to the matutu stop we would have not met her and we would not know about the cow."


GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 5/3/10 - "The Agreement"

WATOTO WA BARAKA

AGRICULTURAL AND FARMING DEVELOPMENT PLAN 2010

Mission – To provide two glasses of milk per day for every child at Watoto Wa Baraka.
Vision – Improve the health, education and self-sustainability of Watoto Wa Baraka.

After meeting with Mr. James Wachira, a successful and knowledgeable farmer in the community, the proposed agriculture and farming development plan for Watoto Wa Baraka is as follows:

1.Expand acreage for Napier grass from ¼ an acre to ½ acre
-To ensure Watoto Wa Baraka will be able to improve the current dairy cow’s production as well as sustain the new dairy cow, the Napier grass field must be expanded from ¼ acres to ½.

2.Purchase a Chaff Cutter
-The purchase of the Chaff Cutter is key to this phase of growth for Watoto Wa Baraka. This machine cuts the Napier grass into small pieces for the dairy cow to digest. The small pieces are then dried and soaked with molasses. This food offers the nutrients needed for high quality milk and large quantities.

3.Utilize the maize storage for dried Napier grass
-Currently, the storage unit is used for maize. The storage unit will be cleared and used only for dried nappier grass.

4.Purchase Ecto Pour
-Ecto Pour is the recommended tick preventative for livestock. Without tick prevention livestock is susceptible to lung problems and East Coast Fever. Each cow needs to be treated for ticks twice a week to maintain proper health.

5.Purchase Highline feed
-During milking season the dairy cows need to consume a mixture of dried Napier grass and Highline feed. This will improve the production of the current dairy cow and sustain the new dairy cow.

6.Purchase Molasses
-Molasses is an important part of the feed process. Once the nappier grass is cut, and dried it will be mixed with molasses to give the dairy cows all the necessary nutrients to produce milk in higher volumes.

7.Purchase Cement
-The current stalls need to be reconstructed to improve the dairy cows production as well as manure for bio gas. The stalls need to be 4 ft x 7ft with a cement floor and covered with sawdust.

8.Hire a Contractor
-To guarantee quality construction on the stalls, an experienced contractor is needed.

9.Agricultural Training
-Education is key to the success of this development plan, both short term and long term. The Watoto Wa Baraka Farm and Agricultural staff member, Joseph Amana, along with two teenagers from the orphanage, Joseph Mwaura and James, Njogu will receive 8 days of farming and agricultural training from Mr. Wachira.

10. Purchase Second Dairy Cow
-A second cow needs to be purchased so each child will have two glasses of milk per day.

Cost of improvements:

1. There is no cost to expanding the field of nappier grass.
2. The Chaff Cutter = 30,000 ksh ($400).
3. There is no cost to prepare the storage unit.
4. The Ecto Pour = 600 ksh ($8) per 200 ml.
5. Highline feed for two dairy cows = 2900 ksh ($39).
6. The molasses = 1700 ksh for 100 kilo.
7. The cement = 750 ksh ($10).
8. The contractor and assistant = 750 ksh ($10).
9. Training for three men = 4000 ksh ($55).
10. A medium quality dairy cow = 60,000 ($800). CURRENTLY, THERE ARE NO DAIRY COWS FOR SALE IN THE VILLAGE OR NEAR BY COMMUNITY. IF ONE CANNOT BE FOUND PRIOR TO DEPARTURE, FUNDS WILL BE SENT TO WWB WHEN ONE IS AVAILABLE.

Total Cost (including dairy cow) – 100,700 ksh ($1342)

Geoffrey, Zach, Big Joseph, Mr. Wachira, and I agree with this plan and tomorrow they are taking me shopping!!

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 5/2/10 - "Love Bites"

Beatrice came up to me today and asked
"Did you get bitten by mosquitos on your face?" I said "Nope. They are pimples, they just look like bites." She giggled a little and said "Well maybe they are love bites from God."

You can't really see them in this picture, but you can sure see my roots!


GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 5/2/10 - "CSI: Kenya"

I just found out that last night five hens were stolen from the orphanage. Geoffrey was quick to respond. He filed a police report and then went with them to talk to the suspect. Apparently, there was a shoe mark in the mud that lead from the suspects house to the hen house. Unfortunately, it wasn't a match, so the investigation continues.

Geoffrey immediately put into action some extra security. He purchased a dog, hired an additional security guard, and installed a light by the hen house. It is hard to understand how important chickens are to the villagers. They are a main source of food for the orphanage, and buying five new ones is expensive, relatively speaking.

James will be responsible of taking care of the dog, so he gets to name her. He named her Jimmy. I showed James a picture of my dog (seen here) and told him how much I miss her. I wish you could have seen how big his eyes got when I told him I take her for runs, to play with other dogs at the park and sometimes she goes with me to coffee shops. You would have thought I told him I had been abducted by aliens. He truly didn't believe me. In Kenya dogs are purely for security. They are very intentional to not socialize with the dogs because they want them to be aggressive. I decided it probably best not to tell him we spend silly amounts of money on taking our dogs to day care.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - "Kids Say The Darndest Things" - 5/1/10

Today I woke-up to the sounds of the kids. I have no idea what they are saying, but I have come quite fond of the orphanage "wake-up call".

Even though I am thousands of miles away from home, I find that kids are kids no matter where they live. They like to learn, to run, to laugh, they cry for attention, and hang-out in cliques. It does seem like they are less "cliquey" than in America, but you definitely notice who hangs out together the most.

Yesterday a group of the girls, Joyce, Beatrice and Amina, were laughing and talking when I heard my name. I didn't really pay attention because kids talk and they were speaking in Swahili. Beatrice called me over and asked "Did you think we were talking about you?" I told her I heard them say my name, but didn't really put much thought into it. I asked if they were in fact talking about me. All three girls laughed and put their hands over their face. Come to find out the girls were discussing which volunteer was their favorite. Well, apparently I was the favorite of the day, emphasis on "of the day". I think they choose their favorite by who gives them candy that day versus who disciplines them; and of course I had bought popcorn for them.

Later that night after dinner, I asked a group of the kids "if you were stranded on an island, what is the one thing you would take with you?" Almost simultaneously, they all said "The Bible". I asked why the bible? And Amina said "Because with a bible you can read the word of God and be comforted and know that God will provide all you need." Wow! This 10 year old girl has got it all figured out. She has more faith in her little finger than I do in my whole body.
James, one of the older boys, said "Well, if I could take two things I would take the Bible and a hen. The bible to keep in touch with God and the hen because she can lay eggs forever, even with out a rooster."

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/30/10 - "The Visit"

Mr. Wachira kept his word; he arrived to Watoto Wa Baraka at 2:55pm this afternoon, five minutes before our appointment.

Erick, a staff member, and I showed him around the compound and introduced him to the kids. Mr. Wachira is a very influential member of the community so to have him invested in the success of the orphanage would be very beneficial. I figure the best way to do that is to have him spend some time getting to know a few of the kids. The perfect pair for him to meet is Joseph and James(see pictures). These two boys, teenagers actually, are responsible for maintaining the six buildings on the compound, working in the field and taking care of the livestock. Not only do I want him to be impressed by these boys, I want the boys to learn from him.



After the boys showed him around, we got down to business. And by business I mean - do we buy a dairy cow or not? Mr. Wachira had many questions to ask before giving his opinion on what we should do.

Q: "How many acres of Napier grass do you have?"
The acreage of grass is one of two very key elements to the project. If we buy a dairy cow that produces enough liters of milk for each child to have one glass a day, Watoto Wa Baraka must have enough food to keep it nourished and healthy.

A: Currently they have one acre of land. One half acre has full grown Napier grass and the remaining half acre is ready for Napier grass seeds to be planted. This is good news. Step one of five steps is complete AND free!

Q: "How do you feed and maintain the livestock currently?"
A well nourished cow produces higher quality and quantity of milk. It is very common for livestock to get disease, so preventative measures are vital.

A: Fortunately, WWB has the right feed, but they need to add some minerals to the livestock's diet as well as change the tick medicine they administer to the animals.

The third question wasn't a question; it was a statement. "The livestock stalls are not made with the proper size and flooring. You must hire a contractor to fix the dimensions of the stall and lay concrete on the floor."

Q: "Do you have the funds to buy a chaff cutter? It is the second most important part of this plan."
The chaff cutter is the second key element of this entire project. For all of you non-agricultural buffs, a chaff cutter is a mechanical device used for cutting Napier grass into small pieces before being mixed together with other forage and then fed to the cattle. This aids the animal's digestion and prevents animals from rejecting any part of their food. (For the record, I am not an agricultural expert. I just take good notes, and use wikipedia.)

A: Right now the farmhand uses a very dull machete to cut the Napier grass and no matter how skilled he is, he will never be able to get the grass cut like the chaff cutter. So yes, I have the money and want to purchase the machine.

After gathering all that information, Mr. Wachira gave his opinion "If all of these things fall into place, then you are ready to buy a cow. But please remember getting these things into place it easy, finding the cow will be the hard part. I have called everyone I can think of and no one has the type of dairy cow you need for sale. If we can't find one close by, we will have to look in Nairobi, and that brings on another set of problems, like transporting the cow."

Now it was my turn to ask the questions.
Q: "Mr. Wachira, since you are so knowledgeable and wise about farming, would you be willing to train the farmhand and Joseph and James? I think it will help the orphanage long-term to have well trained staff."

A: "Yes Madame Tracy, I will do that. You come from America to help these kids, I can help them too. I will provide eight days of training for the farmhand, Joseph and James."

Q: "Mr. Wachira, since you have a car and know how much all of these things will cost, will you please be so kind to drive us to Thika and help purchase the items?"
A: "Again, Madame Tracy, yes. I will help you get the items to help the kids. You come to my farm at 10am on Monday May 3rd and we will go to Thika together."

We will see what God does with all of this.


GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/27/10 - "The Ultimate Act of Service"

I think God answered my prayers today. I woke up this morning grumpy and with a negative outlook. In my heart I appreciate all that Martha is doing for me, but in my head I feel like I am imposing. The only way I know to change my thoughts to mirror my heart is to pray. It is amazing what happens when you take a little time to ask for God's help.

Martha really is the ultimate hostess. From the moment I woke-up until I went to bed she showed me nothing but kindness. For breakfast she served me corn flakes because she remembered how much I like cereal. Then she insisted on washing all my clothes so I would have a fresh set of clean clothes when I got back to the orphanage. After breakfast she knew I needed to use the Internet so we walked to the town market place.

While we were there, she proudly introduced me to a few of her friends. They were curious to learn about me, my family, where I live etc. When they found out I wasn't married nor had any children, one woman wanted to introduce me to her son (maybe my Kenyan love story will happen after all!). I didn't get a chance to meet him, but it is interesting to me that mothers are the same everywhere; they always want to set-up their children.

The last stop we made at the town market was a seamstress. Martha insisted I let her buy me a hand made authentic Kenyan dress. It was such a kind gesture especially since I know they don't have a lot of money.

We made our way back to their house to get the rest of the family for a trip to Thompson Falls, the closest waterfall to the equator. All six of us piled into their small car and headed out. We were only about a mile into our drive when we got stuck in the mud. It took seven people to push us out but no matter how much I offered, Martha would not let me get out of the car to help.

After our excursion to Thompson Falls, we stopped by the meat market to pick up dinner. Apparantly, Martha ordered special meat for my last dinner at their home. She prepared some sort of stew with potatoes. She is extremely observant and noticed I liked the small crunchy potatoes and had her sons pick out all of them for me. Tonight I go to bed with a full stomach and a full heart.

What would happen if we showed that kind of service everyday to everyone?

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/26/10 - "Locked-Up"

It is 8am and I am locked in the guest bedroom at Martha's house. The door doesn't lock from the inside, so to keep me safe she put a pad-lock on the outside. I will just have to wait until she comes to get me.

This visit has started off weird and somewhat uncomfortable. I don't know if it is just me, or if they feel the same.

The five hour drive from Watoto Wa Baraka to Nyahururu ended up taking about six and a half hours which put us at their house about 9:30pm. As mentioned before, Kenyans take their time on everything, even road trips. The additional hour and a half was made up of multiple stops to get school supplies, fruit, shoes, cell phone credits, drug store etc. We also stopped for dinner. Martha was very nice and wanted to make sure I didn't go too long with out eating, so we picked up some fried chicken and french fries. It was 8pm so I figured this would be my last meal for the day and devoured every bite. America may be the fattest country in the world, but Kenyans know how to fry some chicken! It was delicious.

It was freezing when we pulled into Nyahururu. I had no idea it would be so much colder than in Makuyu (the village where Watoto Wa Baraka is located), so I didn't pack appropriately. I only brought a short sleeve shirt, a long sleeve shirt, a tank top, leggings, crop pants, and my PJ's. No Northface jacket and no sweater. One of my least favorite things is to be cold. I would rather have sweat running down my back and sweaty armpit rings than to be cold. I am happy when it is 72 degrees or higher. I keep a heater on in my office during the summer because that is when the A/C is cranked up. Makes sense, right?

Another predicament I am dealing with is my period. I started a few days ago and luckily I had a few tampons in my suitcase, but not enough to last my whole cycle. I wasn't too worried about it because I thought I could get some at the store. Well, they don't sell tampons here; they sell maxi-pads. I haven't used a pad since I was 12. Why? Because they suck! They are messy and they don't help with not-so-fresh smell. On top of that, I left all my "granny panties" at home so I don't even know if the adhesive tape on the back of the pad will stick to my g-string underwear. Why I only brought g-string underwear to Kenya, I have no idea.

When we finally made it to their house, we were greeted by their three children: Brian, Nonemus and Celia. The six of us sat on the couch drinking tea, watching soccer and chatting. During that time Martha started to breast feed Celia. Generally speaking I don't mind a woman breast feeding in public, but this time it felt awkward for me. I think maybe it is because Celia is more of a toddler and quite squiggly. She would suck for a little bit then stop and start playing around then go back. Martha just left her breast hanging out instead of putting it up and pulling it back out over and over again. It's not bad, just different and I don't really know where to look.

After about two hours of chatting, I was ready for bed. I didn't want to be a rude guest so I was waiting for the right time to excuse myself. Well before I got the courage to do so, Martha served dinner. This threw me for a loop. It was 11:30pm and I was still full from the fried chicken, fries and tea (they make tea with freshly squeezed goat milk which is very heavy and nothing like the fat free milk I drink at home). I don't know how else to explain how full my stomach was except by this analogy: Imagine going to your moms for Thanksgiving breakfast at 10am, then to your dads Thanksgiving lunch at 1pm, the to your grandma's Thanksgiving dinner at 4pm and then hitting the Chinese buffet at 7pm. I knew she made this just for me, so I unbuttoned my pants and ate as much as I could. I am glad I did because the food was great and I think it made her happy.

When we were finished eating, Martha showed me to my room. I was so excited to see a full size bed with sheets, blankets and pillows. But the most exciting part was the bathroom. It has running water! Not only is it inside and right next to my room, but it has a toilet seat, sink, and shower. Hallelujah! What I wasn't so excited about is how cold it is. But to solve the problem I put on EVERY piece of clothing I brought with me. I am not exaggerating. I literally put everything on.

I had a good nights sleep and I am ready for what ever today brings, as soon as she unlocks my door.


GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flasback - 4/25/10 "A Kenyan Family"

Today Martha and Pacomis Wambugu are picking me up to visit their home in Nyahururu which is about five hours away from Watoto Wa Baraka.

How did I get connected with Martha and Pacomis you ask? They are in-laws to my dad's co-worker, Priscilla. Dad started talking to her about his concern for my safety in Kenya when God sent me the check (see previous blog for explanation of "the check").

Out of the kindness of her heart, Priscilla called Martha to see if they would be willing to pick me up at the airport. Not only did they agree to pick me up, they asked their son-in-law, who is a policeman at the airport,to walk me through customs, visited the orphanage a few weeks before I arrived to make sure it was a valid organization, stayed at the hotel with me my first night in Nairobi, helped me exchange my money from dollars to schillings, and helped me buy a cell phone. They are truly a blessing. Although I thought I could handle all these things on my own, I now see that was arrogance, not independence.

If you are reading this and think it is just a coincidence that my dad knew these nice people, you are sorely mistaken. This was all orchestrated by God.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/24/10 "Picky Picky!"

I've noticed that it is totally acceptable to pick your nose in public here, anytime and anywhere. I find that quite interesting because generally speaking Kenyans are much more conservative that America. For example, women wear mostly skirts below the knee or longer and the only people I have seen in jeans or shorts are the kids.

It is just curious to me that in America that one is more likely to be judged if they are caught picking their nose in public but we can wear short skirts, tank tops, string bikinis, jorts (in case you don't know that is jean shorts), dresses that show cleavage and not be judged.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/23/10 "Yuck"

Tonight for dinner we had Chipati which is basically flour and water made into a dough like substance and then fried with animal lard. It is really good, but doesn't help my ever expanding waist line.

I thought I would lose weight while I was over here, so I intentionally put on a few extra pounds before coming. But now that I am here, the exact opposite happened. I have gained weight. I don't know how much I have gained because there isn't a scale but my pants are really tight and I just feel yucky. I wonder why? Umm, maybe it is because all I have been eating is carbs and sugars. Here is an example of my daily meal plan:

6:30am cliff bar (I brought those from home)
7:30am breakfast (which consists of bread and tea)
10:00am cliff bar
10:15am candy/trail mix
11:00am cliff bar
1:00pm lunch (rice and beans)
1:15pm candy, cookies, pb&j
3:00pm cliff bar,sugar cane,tail mix
5:00pm banana
7:00pm dinner (rice and beans)
8:30pm candy, cookies, pb&j, banana


I know some of you reading this are thinking "Tracy is complaining about gaining weight? Seriously?!?" Well no matter how much you weigh, if you put on a few pounds and can no longer zip your pants it is hard to be at peace with it.

Right now I am totally thinking like an American and it's embarrassing! Why am I concerned about how I will look in my bathing suit this summer? There are starving children all around me! I can blame it on the American culture, but I am the one in control of what I believe to be true about myself. So the "weigh" I see it, I can keep obsessing about how much I have gained OR I can stop being so narcissistic.


Unfortunately at this moment and time, I chose vanity. My identity is wrapped up in how thin I am and I don't think I am in a place emotionally to let go of that. I pray that God help me see myself in His loving eyes, not the eyes of the judgemental enemy.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/21/10 - "I've Got A Feeling..."

I woke up in the middle of the night last night with this sense that I need to extend my trip another week. When I first planned my trip, I intended to stay for four weeks. But when I decided to go on Safari, I added another week to fulfill my commitment of four weeks of volunteering at the orphanage. So if I extend my trip again that will make a total of six weeks in Kenya. It is going to be really hard roughing it for another 14 days, but I don't want to discount this prompting. If I do ignore it, I am certain I will regret it for the rest of my life. I don't know how I know this is what I am supposed to do, I just know. Maybe the fact that I can't pinpoint why I feel inspired to stay is because it is coming from God. I have learned from previous experience that God doesn't demand, He inspires.

Wonder what He wants me to do in these additional weeks?

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/20/10 - "Cha' Ching"

Our last stop on Safari was at the Massai Market, the equivalent to a flea market in the United States. There are about 100 vendors selling anything from purses to bananas. Most of the vendors use a blanket as a booth and lay their merchandise on top.

Being the only white people around, we stick out like a virgin in the Playboy mansion. Therefore, the minute we walk in we are surrounded by "personal shoppers". They want to know where we are from and at first I thought they were sincerely interested. Not so much. Stanley told me later that they want to know if you are American so they can set the price accordingly. I get why they do it, and I would probably do the same thing if I were in their shoes, but it still feels like you are being taken advantage of.

Daniel, the name of my "personal shopper", followed me around and put anything I touched in a bag. I told him I was just browsing, and wouldn't be buying everything. He said "No worries! I will hold all your items and help you pick at the end. We'll get you a good price." Pretty slick, huh?

Once I was done, Daniel escorted me to the "Negotiator". This guy's sole responsibility is to bargain with you until you crack. The "Negotiator" asked the same question "Where are you from madame?" I considered telling him I was from another country, but I didn't want to lie. So I opted to just say "I am from everywhere."

At that point he calculated all of my items and came up with a price. I tried to counter with confidence, but like any good sales person, he knew I wanted it all. He knew I wouldn't be able to walk away. And he was right, I have a hard time walking away from something I want and I don't just mean material things. Which makes me think, is that tenacity, or stupidity?

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/20/10 - "Balancing Act"

It is interesting how taking one step forward in the journey of life reveals more about the journey you used to be on. I came on this adventure with the hope of learning about the Kenyan lifestyle, people, and most of all how I can serve Kenyans in need. But during the process I am learning what defined me before and what I want to define me now. Basically, I am learning the definition of "Tracy".

Until this trip I never realized how much and how often I taper my feelings to accommodate others. In stead of just owning my emotions, I worry about the other person's feelings. I am terrified of rocking the boat. I am terrified that if I express my feelings of anger, disappointment, or annoyance I will be seen as combative, thoughtless,selfish, difficult, or offensive.** In my head I know you can show grace, mercy and love even when expressing feelings of anger, but in my heart it freakin' scares me. I am slowly starting to realize I am only responsible for my feelings and actions. I have no control over anyone else and how they feel. I pray that I can work towards balancing validating others feelings while acknowledging my own.

** Since I struggle so much with defining what my emotions are I had to use http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/feelings.html. I am thinking I need to carry around a copy of that list for awhile.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/20/10 - Peaks and Valleys

There is no denying it. I am at my breaking point. I am tired of mosquito nets with holes, toilets that are just a hole in the ground, cup showers you take outside, bugs, no T.V., no coffee, the smell, the crazy matatu rides, the smog in Thika and Nairobi, and..... OH MY GOODNESS! I just looked outside the Safari van window to see the most beautiful sight I have ever seen - Mt. Kilimanjaro. If only I were a poet, I would have the words to describe this magnificent piece of land. Do you even call a the largest mountain in Kenya rising to 19,340 ft. a "piece of land"? Anyway, this majestic creation of God has my emotions stirring, in a good way. Like when you hear the National Anthem play, or when someone expresses their love for you, or when you find that perfect pair of shoes or when "The Bachelor" gets down on one knee to propose, even though you know it is a sham or best of all, when God shows Himself to you. I find it quite interesting that just as I was complaining about the gift which I have been praying for for more than two years, a volunteer trip to Africa, God shows Himself to me. Man, is God cool! He knows how to put you in your place through beauty, not anger. I guess that is why we call him God.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?


** The second picture is of the pool at our lodge in Amboseli. We weren't expecting to stay here. Another example of God putting me in my place.

Flashback - 04/20/10 - Thank God for Butter

Today was a hard day. We woke up at 6am to watch the sun-rise and prepare for a stroll around Lake Nakuru traveling to a hot spring. Well unbeknown to me, it wasn't a stroll it was a 10 mile hike lasting 3 hours. I was mentally complaining the entire time so much so that I couldn't enjoy the beautiful scenery. Once we finally arrived at the hot spring I started to lighten up a bit. I don't know if it was the fact that we made it before I turned 34 or if it was the naked man we saw bathing in the hot spring. Unfortunately, we didn't see his "jewels" but I did get to watch his six pack glisten in the sun. Soaking in the hot spring was amazingly relaxing and perfect after our long hike. After soaking in the water for about an hour we set out to Hells Gate.

Our plan was to see the wildlife on Lake Navisha (flamingos and rhinos)then take a bike ride through Hells Gate to the Hells Gate Gorge and go for a hike. My first mistake was imagining our bike ride would be similar to pedaling a beach cruiser along the Newport Beach boardwalk. I have been in Kenya long enough to know that nothing here is like Orange County, California. Let me rephrase that. Nothing in the world is like Orange County, California. Good, bad or indifferent it is the truth. My second mistake was letting my negative thoughts control my day.

When we arrived to the Hells Gate National Park, Stanley took us right to Lake Navisha to seek out rhinos and see the pink flamingos. There were so many flamingos it looked like a lake of Pepto Bismol. And while I am on the subject, Pepto Bismol has saved my life on this trip! Anyway, after taking some pictures by the Sea of Pepto, we drove around looking for a rhino. Not only did we see one we saw a BLACK rhino. There are less than 50 black rhino left in the world, which makes them officially extinct. My day was getting better! The excitement of seeing something so rare re-energized me. I was ready for the next leg of the day, the bike and hike of Hells Gate Gorge.

We rented three bikes because Stanley and Esther had to take the Safari van to get the transmission fixed. The debacle of the broken transmission is another story that I have chosen to forget. Since Stanley wasn't with us, Kathy, Mike and I were left to fend for ourselves. No big deal, it is just five miles to the gorge and on a bike it would be a breeze! Not so much. The bikes we rented were so old I think they were made during the cold war. The handles were placed in a weird position, the seat was a piece of metal with leather over made to look like it was padded, which it was not. Thankfully we had rubber on the tires. I quickly realized my "beach boardwalk" was a path-o-rocks. After about 30 minutes of riding and only going one mile, Kathy's bike broke. She was pedaling, but the tires weren't moving. Our choices were to walk the bikes the rest of the way to the gorge, or have Mike take the bike back to get another. Kathy and I chose the latter. I can't tell you how long it took, but while Kathy and I were waiting we saw tons of zebras and a mama with her baby giraffe. That made up for the bike fiasco. Finally, Mike arrived with the new bike and off we went.

Once we reached the gorge we hired a tour guide to take us thousands of miles down to the inside of the gorge. Okay, it might not have been thousands of miles down, but Hells Gate Gorge is like a baby Grand Canyon. We told our guide we wanted the 45minute mini tour, not the five hour tour. It was quite an experience hiking in the gorge. We had to build a human chain to get from one rock to the next. By the time we made it to the bottom of the gorge, what the locals call "hell", we were already at the 45 minute mark. And of course to get out of the gorge you must climb up to "heaven". By the time we got up to "heaven" we had invested four hours on this journey and we still had to go back. I would like to say the bike ride back wasn't as bad as the way in, but it was worse. We got caught up in both a rain storm and a dust storm. Seriously!?!?

I will admit it, I am being a tad ungrateful but it was a hard day. Deep down I am very grateful and know I will look back on this day with humor but right now the only thing I can be grateful for is the half a loaf of bread and butter I ate to comfort myself :)



GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/19/10 - The Secret Service of Safari

Today is the first day of Safari. Mike, Kathy and I are doing a 5 night/6 day safari to Massai Mara, Lake Nakru, Hells Gate, and Amboseli. Mike and Kathy are volunteering at the orphanage while on their honeymoon. Pretty selfless to spend your honeymoon in a orphanage! I am not so sure I could do it. Giving up your "flower" on a cot with a two inch mattress underneath a mosquito net while geckos are crawling up the walls just doesn't sound romantic to me.

Anyway, Stanley and Esther, our Safari guides, picked the three of us up from the orphanage at 6am this morning. Some of the kids were already awake, so they grabbed our bags and carried them to the safari van. No one asked them to do it, they just like to help out. After they loaded our bags and pushed our van out of the mud, we were off!

Our first stop was actually Nairobi to go to the bank and get food from the market. Just like any other road trip you need junk food and lots of it! I think we finally left Nairobi around 9am, and didn't get to Massai Mara reserve until 4pm. Since it was so late in the day we only had about two hours to drive around. But were still able to see cheetahs, lions, lion cubs, lionesses, giraffes, zebras, elephants, and wildebeests.

We pulled into the campsite, Flamingo Lodge, about 6:30pm. The campsite is kind of like a ghost town. The only people here are the five of us (Stanley, Esther, Mike, Kathy and me) and four staff members (a cook, a helper and two Massai Warriors for security). I tell you what, being on Safari is a dream come true, but taking a hot shower and eating a real meal is a close second.

After I stuffed myself with spaghetti and meat sauce, green beans and carrots, fresh mango and bread with butter and jelly, I made my way to bed. Just as I was starting to feel relaxed and comfortable in these new surroundings, I realized the Massai Warriors were stationed 50 feet from my tent. On one hand it is reassuring to have protection from the wild animals, but on the other hand I am a totally spooked that the only thing separating me and two strange men with weapons is a canvas door with a broken zipper. I guess if they were to come after me I can use my bible to beat them over the head....

Flashback - 4/18/2010 - "Truth Be Told"

Before I came over here I was laid off due to a $1 million budget cut. I worked for an association of attorneys doing business partnerships and vendor sponsorships. My main role was to secure sponsors and exhibitors for the conferences hosted by the association. As a matter of fact, the Mid-Year Conference is going on right now in Austin, TX. And all I can think about is how bad I want the Mid-Year Conference to fail. I have visions that all of the vendors and sponsors are miserable and frustrated. So much so, that they demand for my return. I am fully aware that if I had not been laid off I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't have the freedom to stay as long as I want. Yet, I still want them to fail.

I find it quite interesting that thousands of miles away from home I have feelings of vindication, jealousy and bitterness. I assumed all my worldly desires and insecurities would fade away while being over here. Obviously that is not true.

The truth for me right now is that I feel I have no value unless I am the best at everything. That is not God's truth. God's truth is that we are enough just by who we are, and He loves us even in our most vulnerable state.