Kenya Part Deux: Someone Turned Out The Lights

My first trip to Kenya was in April 2010. It was a six week journey of faith, love, hardship, confusion, frustration, peace and an undeniable connection to God. I felt a light illuminating inside of me. All of my pprior posts share my experiences during the trip, but they don't include what happened when I returned home. The time before and during the trip is the most beautiful chapter of my life to date, yet the period after was probably the darkest. I prepared myself for some sort of reverse culture shock when getting back home, but I had no idea how severe it would actually be. As in all my other previous posts, I strive to be as open and authentic as possible. I believe the only way to truly grow as a person and build a strong relational community is to share your heart.

Almost immediately after my plane touched down in the United States, I isolated myself. I didn't want to talk to anyone about the trip, I didn't want to hang out with anyone, and all I wanted to do was be alone. It was a strange dynamic – I felt lonely, yet I was choosing to seclude myself.

Instead of leaning on others to help bring me out of this dark time, I tried to fill my loneliness with material things. I went on a shopping spree, pampered myself with manicures, pedicures, facials and hair treatments. I hired someone to rip up the carpet in my apartment and stain the concrete. (To be fair about the carpet, my dog tore it up, so it needed to be done). Regardless, I was still unemployed and spending money I didn’t have. For a good portion of my life, I have struggled with coveting material things and believing the lie that to be of value in this world, one must have money. It wasn't until I accepted Christ (in 2008) that I slowly began to understand my value comes from God. Yes, Puff Daddy tells us “It’s All About The Benjamins Baby”, but I tell you from being on both sides of the fence it’s not. By seeking a relationship with God, I gradually discovered nothing of this world can give me peace, joy, love and happiness except God. There is no designer outfit that will take away my anxiety. Granted it might make me feel good in the moment, but the truth is it creates more anxiety. So after three years of “detoxing” from material things, why did I go back to my old ways? Why did I look for comfort in spending money when I spent six weeks in extreme poverty? I still don’t know the answer to that. But what I do know is that the fire that was ignited in 2008 and blazing during the trip was extinguished. I felt empty inside.

Not only was I battling isolation and searching for comfort in material things, I became extremely jealous. I mean all consuming, overwhelming jealousy. I was jealous that many of my friends and family were either in a relationship, getting married, having babies or all three. I was jealous of those who loved God by serving others. I wanted to be the only one good enough and Christian enough to change the world. I wanted all the credit for the amazing things that happened in Kenya. Yet at the same time, I knew the entire trip was orchestrated by God; I had nothing to do with it. I have never felt more connected to God outside of those six weeks in Watoto Wa Baraka. I felt connected to Him on a daily basis. I knew exactly what He wanted me to do and I was doing it. There are no words adequate enough to describe the joy, peace and love that comes when you are living out God’s will. Those feelings were the fuel behind the fire. So if I experienced such joy by knowing God, why didn’t I want to share that with others? Plain and simple I was selfish. I wanted to be God’s favorite.

It took me about three months to work through those emotions. I slowly started to feel excitement and joy for those same friends and family members. I was finally able to think about others joy, not my own. I was no longer asking those self-deprecating questions "What is wrong with me? I love God more than they do, so why can’t I get what I want”? I share these things because they are true.

By the end of July the light within started to emerge again. I sensed that maybe God wanted me to move to Kenya long term. I was far enough in my walk to know not to make a rash decision. I knew I needed to be prayerful to discern if those feelings were really coming from Him and not my “I alone can save the World” ego.

I made the decision to go back to Kenya in April 2011 in the hopes that God would speak to me while I was there. (As a side note, I don’t hear audible messages from God; it is more of awareness in my spirit). I determined the second trip would be more meaningful if others went with me. The first trip I needed to keep the experience between just me and God; however a secret I held close, is that I didn't want anyone to go with me because I wanted all the credit.

I sent an email encouraging others to embark on this journey with me, but the only person who joined me was my mom. I was genuinely excited that she was coming with me. I knew a trip like this was something she had always wanted to do but never had the freedom (or finances) to make it happen. However, I was a bit uncertain about spending that much time with her in such close proximity. My mom is my best friend, and I love her dearly; but as most mothers and daughters, we have some areas in our relationship that need work.

I raised money from friends and family to fund my first trip, and was blessed to get more than I needed, which lead to buying the dairy cow. For the second trip, I wasn't planning to raise money because I could afford to pay my own way. However, I discovered Geoffrey, the Director of WWB, was seeking funding to build a green house and drip irrigation system. The purpose of the project is to provide fruits and vegetables for the orphanage, in addition to selling the surplus for a profit. Mom and I felt this was a worthy cause to ask for support. We raised a little over $3800 which covered the cost of the greenhouse and drip irrigation system as well as other materials needed to make the project a success.

The following posts will share how vastly different my second trip to Kenya was and how my flame was reignited.

KENYA 2011 - WATOTO WA BARAKA

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Flashback - 5/4/10 - "Zawandi - The Gift"

Today we picked up the chaff cutter and the cow. I have to admit my anxiety was quite extreme until we had the cutter and the cow in our possession.

For this last entry on my 2010 trip to Kenya I want to share my prayer. It is unedited. I want to show people that you can have a conversation with God and He will still answer your prayers.

"Good morning my lovely God!
Today we go buy the cow and pick-up the Chaff Cutter. you know what you did yesterday and I thank you. Pray for this gift to be long lasting and grow WWB.

I am so happy when I am doing your work. It is interesting huh! :) Yesterday the enemy tried to get in the way, but you stepped in and stopped the enemy. I got anxious at the bank and Internet, but soon calmed down. I got nervous because about the Chaff Cutter being in the car since it has a very sharp blade. I was worried we would wreck and it would kill us all, but the Holy Spirit suffocated those fears.

I thank you for this time with you and your children. If nothing else comes of it, I got to know you better.

I pray that the new cow produces 15 - 17 liters per day. I pray she one day births a baby heifer. I pray the training will change all three men's lives. I pray that we have safe travels to Thika and back. I pray for Mr. Wachira to split the training with me. I would like for it to be under 2,00 ksh. Is it too much to ask for it to be free? I think I will just ask if he will split it with me instead. That seems more reasonable as I have so much more than him.

I thank you for today and for safe travels home on Thursday. Please watch over the kids today in school.

Oh! If there is an animal angel, I pray He tell Roxy that I am on my way home.

I dearly love you and all that you have provided me."


GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 5/3/10 - "The Chaff Cutter Angel"

Once we dropped Mrs. Thairu off we went about our way in search of the Ectopour tick medicine, Highline feed, molasses, cement, and the ever important Chaff Cutter.

Mr. Wachira dropped Zach and I off at a feed store while he went to a friends of his hardware store to check on a price for the Chaff Cutter. That store was all sold out, so Mr. Wachira went to another friends store while Zach and I got the cement, molasses,and minerals. When we all met up again, Mr. Wachira came back empty handed. He tried four stores and not one of them had a cutter in stock. Usually during the rainy season stores are full of chaff cutters, but evidently people bought them early.

Not having the cutter changes everything. There will be no reason to get the cow if they don't have the proper equipment to take care of such a quality heifer. So if we can't find one, what am I supposed to do? Why would God send me all the way over here just to buy cement and feed? I started to loose faith, but something told me it would all work out. I don't know if it was my arrogance telling me that I usually get what I want or the Holy Spirit telling me to relax.

I asked Mr. Wachira if we could try one more place. He found one on the way out of town, but he didn't know the people who owned the store. At first it looked promising, but after much conversation Mr. Wachira turned to me with a sad look on his face. They didn't have any either. My heart dropped, but I wasn't going to just leave it at that. I am the type of person who goes about things from every angle. My tenacity has gotten me many things in life. My philosophy is ask and you shall receive. I started talking to the owner about the orphanage and what I was trying to accomplish. I guess the owner felt inspired to take part in the project. He called a hand full of stores in Nairobi. One store said they had one but it was manual, not with a motor. That was better than nothing, but not really what we needed. The owner saw the disappointment on my face and called the store in Nairobi back. I don't know what he said, but I could tell the tone of his voice to the person on the other end of the line was colorful. After being on the phone for quite some time, he looked at me and smiled. They had found a motor at another store. The price was what I was expecting, 35,000 ksh but they wouldn't go down on price, but they would do the delivery for free. Mr. Wachira was so happy. He said "Madame Tracy, you have shown me how faith in God can bring good things." It will be in Thika tomorrow at 3pm, two days before I leave.


I pray that those who don't have a relationship with God see His beauty and the happiness he brings to people.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flasback - 5/3/10 - "The Cow Angel"

This entire journey has had God written all over it, but today He did something amazing. Mr. Wachira, Zach and I went to Thika to get all the supplies we need for the Agricultural and Farming Development Plan. Mr. Wachira was kind enough to offer to drive us to Thika because there is no way we would be able to get all the supplies on a Matatu. On the way Mr. Wachira told me he wasn't able to find anyone in or around the village who had a cow for sale. But he said that if we couldn't get one before I left, which is only three days away, we could maybe find one in Nairobi.

On our way to Thika we stopped in Makuyu so Mr. Wachira could get his car insurance note. When he got out he said he would be back in five minutes. Well five minutes passed, then ten, then twenty and finally about thirty minutes later he comes back. He said it took so long because they didn't have it ready like they promised. Just as we were on our way again, Mr. Wachira saw a friend, Mrs. Thairu, walking and stopped the car to say hello. You see in Kenya, people take time to visit with friends not matter what is going on. Well come to find out she was on her way to Thika, but had planned on taking a Matutu. Mr. Wachira wouldn't hear of it, and gave her a ride. They mostly spoke to each other in Swahili, so I don't really know what they said. But I do know she was sent from God.

Mr. Wachira explained to her who I was and why we were riding to Thika together. He told her about the orphanage and that the kids don't get milk. Well low and behold, she has a dairy cow for sale that produces 14 - 18 liters of milk a day. That is not as much as we had hoped, but it should get each kid one glass per day. Mr. Wachira asked how much and she said 60,000 ksh (which is what I had in my budget) but he told her I had only 50,000 ksh to spend. She took a moment to think about it and said she would sell it to me for 35,000 ksh. Seriously!?!?! Sold to the white lady in the front seat! She said since I had come all the way from America to buy a cow for the kids she could give me a deal. She cut her price in half and I didn't have to say a darn thing! Sold to the white lady

I asked Mr. Wachira what to do next. Do we just pick the cow up on the way home? Do they deliver? How does this work? He said first we go and look at the cow to make sure it is good quality like she said and then if we like her, we buy her.

Once we arrived to Thika we said our goodbyes. Mr. Wachira told her we would stop by her farm on our way home. After she got out of the car Mr. Wachira turned to me and said "Madame Tracy, God is good, so very good! You see, Mrs. Thairu lives just three miles from the orphanage, so you don't have to worry about transporting the cow to WWB, you can just walk her there. Also, Mrs. Thairu has a car but for some reason today she decided to ride the matutu. And you know like I do, that if she had not been on her way to the matutu stop we would have not met her and we would not know about the cow."


GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 5/3/10 - "The Agreement"

WATOTO WA BARAKA

AGRICULTURAL AND FARMING DEVELOPMENT PLAN 2010

Mission – To provide two glasses of milk per day for every child at Watoto Wa Baraka.
Vision – Improve the health, education and self-sustainability of Watoto Wa Baraka.

After meeting with Mr. James Wachira, a successful and knowledgeable farmer in the community, the proposed agriculture and farming development plan for Watoto Wa Baraka is as follows:

1.Expand acreage for Napier grass from ¼ an acre to ½ acre
-To ensure Watoto Wa Baraka will be able to improve the current dairy cow’s production as well as sustain the new dairy cow, the Napier grass field must be expanded from ¼ acres to ½.

2.Purchase a Chaff Cutter
-The purchase of the Chaff Cutter is key to this phase of growth for Watoto Wa Baraka. This machine cuts the Napier grass into small pieces for the dairy cow to digest. The small pieces are then dried and soaked with molasses. This food offers the nutrients needed for high quality milk and large quantities.

3.Utilize the maize storage for dried Napier grass
-Currently, the storage unit is used for maize. The storage unit will be cleared and used only for dried nappier grass.

4.Purchase Ecto Pour
-Ecto Pour is the recommended tick preventative for livestock. Without tick prevention livestock is susceptible to lung problems and East Coast Fever. Each cow needs to be treated for ticks twice a week to maintain proper health.

5.Purchase Highline feed
-During milking season the dairy cows need to consume a mixture of dried Napier grass and Highline feed. This will improve the production of the current dairy cow and sustain the new dairy cow.

6.Purchase Molasses
-Molasses is an important part of the feed process. Once the nappier grass is cut, and dried it will be mixed with molasses to give the dairy cows all the necessary nutrients to produce milk in higher volumes.

7.Purchase Cement
-The current stalls need to be reconstructed to improve the dairy cows production as well as manure for bio gas. The stalls need to be 4 ft x 7ft with a cement floor and covered with sawdust.

8.Hire a Contractor
-To guarantee quality construction on the stalls, an experienced contractor is needed.

9.Agricultural Training
-Education is key to the success of this development plan, both short term and long term. The Watoto Wa Baraka Farm and Agricultural staff member, Joseph Amana, along with two teenagers from the orphanage, Joseph Mwaura and James, Njogu will receive 8 days of farming and agricultural training from Mr. Wachira.

10. Purchase Second Dairy Cow
-A second cow needs to be purchased so each child will have two glasses of milk per day.

Cost of improvements:

1. There is no cost to expanding the field of nappier grass.
2. The Chaff Cutter = 30,000 ksh ($400).
3. There is no cost to prepare the storage unit.
4. The Ecto Pour = 600 ksh ($8) per 200 ml.
5. Highline feed for two dairy cows = 2900 ksh ($39).
6. The molasses = 1700 ksh for 100 kilo.
7. The cement = 750 ksh ($10).
8. The contractor and assistant = 750 ksh ($10).
9. Training for three men = 4000 ksh ($55).
10. A medium quality dairy cow = 60,000 ($800). CURRENTLY, THERE ARE NO DAIRY COWS FOR SALE IN THE VILLAGE OR NEAR BY COMMUNITY. IF ONE CANNOT BE FOUND PRIOR TO DEPARTURE, FUNDS WILL BE SENT TO WWB WHEN ONE IS AVAILABLE.

Total Cost (including dairy cow) – 100,700 ksh ($1342)

Geoffrey, Zach, Big Joseph, Mr. Wachira, and I agree with this plan and tomorrow they are taking me shopping!!

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 5/2/10 - "Love Bites"

Beatrice came up to me today and asked
"Did you get bitten by mosquitos on your face?" I said "Nope. They are pimples, they just look like bites." She giggled a little and said "Well maybe they are love bites from God."

You can't really see them in this picture, but you can sure see my roots!


GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 5/2/10 - "CSI: Kenya"

I just found out that last night five hens were stolen from the orphanage. Geoffrey was quick to respond. He filed a police report and then went with them to talk to the suspect. Apparently, there was a shoe mark in the mud that lead from the suspects house to the hen house. Unfortunately, it wasn't a match, so the investigation continues.

Geoffrey immediately put into action some extra security. He purchased a dog, hired an additional security guard, and installed a light by the hen house. It is hard to understand how important chickens are to the villagers. They are a main source of food for the orphanage, and buying five new ones is expensive, relatively speaking.

James will be responsible of taking care of the dog, so he gets to name her. He named her Jimmy. I showed James a picture of my dog (seen here) and told him how much I miss her. I wish you could have seen how big his eyes got when I told him I take her for runs, to play with other dogs at the park and sometimes she goes with me to coffee shops. You would have thought I told him I had been abducted by aliens. He truly didn't believe me. In Kenya dogs are purely for security. They are very intentional to not socialize with the dogs because they want them to be aggressive. I decided it probably best not to tell him we spend silly amounts of money on taking our dogs to day care.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - "Kids Say The Darndest Things" - 5/1/10

Today I woke-up to the sounds of the kids. I have no idea what they are saying, but I have come quite fond of the orphanage "wake-up call".

Even though I am thousands of miles away from home, I find that kids are kids no matter where they live. They like to learn, to run, to laugh, they cry for attention, and hang-out in cliques. It does seem like they are less "cliquey" than in America, but you definitely notice who hangs out together the most.

Yesterday a group of the girls, Joyce, Beatrice and Amina, were laughing and talking when I heard my name. I didn't really pay attention because kids talk and they were speaking in Swahili. Beatrice called me over and asked "Did you think we were talking about you?" I told her I heard them say my name, but didn't really put much thought into it. I asked if they were in fact talking about me. All three girls laughed and put their hands over their face. Come to find out the girls were discussing which volunteer was their favorite. Well, apparently I was the favorite of the day, emphasis on "of the day". I think they choose their favorite by who gives them candy that day versus who disciplines them; and of course I had bought popcorn for them.

Later that night after dinner, I asked a group of the kids "if you were stranded on an island, what is the one thing you would take with you?" Almost simultaneously, they all said "The Bible". I asked why the bible? And Amina said "Because with a bible you can read the word of God and be comforted and know that God will provide all you need." Wow! This 10 year old girl has got it all figured out. She has more faith in her little finger than I do in my whole body.
James, one of the older boys, said "Well, if I could take two things I would take the Bible and a hen. The bible to keep in touch with God and the hen because she can lay eggs forever, even with out a rooster."

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/30/10 - "The Visit"

Mr. Wachira kept his word; he arrived to Watoto Wa Baraka at 2:55pm this afternoon, five minutes before our appointment.

Erick, a staff member, and I showed him around the compound and introduced him to the kids. Mr. Wachira is a very influential member of the community so to have him invested in the success of the orphanage would be very beneficial. I figure the best way to do that is to have him spend some time getting to know a few of the kids. The perfect pair for him to meet is Joseph and James(see pictures). These two boys, teenagers actually, are responsible for maintaining the six buildings on the compound, working in the field and taking care of the livestock. Not only do I want him to be impressed by these boys, I want the boys to learn from him.



After the boys showed him around, we got down to business. And by business I mean - do we buy a dairy cow or not? Mr. Wachira had many questions to ask before giving his opinion on what we should do.

Q: "How many acres of Napier grass do you have?"
The acreage of grass is one of two very key elements to the project. If we buy a dairy cow that produces enough liters of milk for each child to have one glass a day, Watoto Wa Baraka must have enough food to keep it nourished and healthy.

A: Currently they have one acre of land. One half acre has full grown Napier grass and the remaining half acre is ready for Napier grass seeds to be planted. This is good news. Step one of five steps is complete AND free!

Q: "How do you feed and maintain the livestock currently?"
A well nourished cow produces higher quality and quantity of milk. It is very common for livestock to get disease, so preventative measures are vital.

A: Fortunately, WWB has the right feed, but they need to add some minerals to the livestock's diet as well as change the tick medicine they administer to the animals.

The third question wasn't a question; it was a statement. "The livestock stalls are not made with the proper size and flooring. You must hire a contractor to fix the dimensions of the stall and lay concrete on the floor."

Q: "Do you have the funds to buy a chaff cutter? It is the second most important part of this plan."
The chaff cutter is the second key element of this entire project. For all of you non-agricultural buffs, a chaff cutter is a mechanical device used for cutting Napier grass into small pieces before being mixed together with other forage and then fed to the cattle. This aids the animal's digestion and prevents animals from rejecting any part of their food. (For the record, I am not an agricultural expert. I just take good notes, and use wikipedia.)

A: Right now the farmhand uses a very dull machete to cut the Napier grass and no matter how skilled he is, he will never be able to get the grass cut like the chaff cutter. So yes, I have the money and want to purchase the machine.

After gathering all that information, Mr. Wachira gave his opinion "If all of these things fall into place, then you are ready to buy a cow. But please remember getting these things into place it easy, finding the cow will be the hard part. I have called everyone I can think of and no one has the type of dairy cow you need for sale. If we can't find one close by, we will have to look in Nairobi, and that brings on another set of problems, like transporting the cow."

Now it was my turn to ask the questions.
Q: "Mr. Wachira, since you are so knowledgeable and wise about farming, would you be willing to train the farmhand and Joseph and James? I think it will help the orphanage long-term to have well trained staff."

A: "Yes Madame Tracy, I will do that. You come from America to help these kids, I can help them too. I will provide eight days of training for the farmhand, Joseph and James."

Q: "Mr. Wachira, since you have a car and know how much all of these things will cost, will you please be so kind to drive us to Thika and help purchase the items?"
A: "Again, Madame Tracy, yes. I will help you get the items to help the kids. You come to my farm at 10am on Monday May 3rd and we will go to Thika together."

We will see what God does with all of this.


GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/27/10 - "The Ultimate Act of Service"

I think God answered my prayers today. I woke up this morning grumpy and with a negative outlook. In my heart I appreciate all that Martha is doing for me, but in my head I feel like I am imposing. The only way I know to change my thoughts to mirror my heart is to pray. It is amazing what happens when you take a little time to ask for God's help.

Martha really is the ultimate hostess. From the moment I woke-up until I went to bed she showed me nothing but kindness. For breakfast she served me corn flakes because she remembered how much I like cereal. Then she insisted on washing all my clothes so I would have a fresh set of clean clothes when I got back to the orphanage. After breakfast she knew I needed to use the Internet so we walked to the town market place.

While we were there, she proudly introduced me to a few of her friends. They were curious to learn about me, my family, where I live etc. When they found out I wasn't married nor had any children, one woman wanted to introduce me to her son (maybe my Kenyan love story will happen after all!). I didn't get a chance to meet him, but it is interesting to me that mothers are the same everywhere; they always want to set-up their children.

The last stop we made at the town market was a seamstress. Martha insisted I let her buy me a hand made authentic Kenyan dress. It was such a kind gesture especially since I know they don't have a lot of money.

We made our way back to their house to get the rest of the family for a trip to Thompson Falls, the closest waterfall to the equator. All six of us piled into their small car and headed out. We were only about a mile into our drive when we got stuck in the mud. It took seven people to push us out but no matter how much I offered, Martha would not let me get out of the car to help.

After our excursion to Thompson Falls, we stopped by the meat market to pick up dinner. Apparantly, Martha ordered special meat for my last dinner at their home. She prepared some sort of stew with potatoes. She is extremely observant and noticed I liked the small crunchy potatoes and had her sons pick out all of them for me. Tonight I go to bed with a full stomach and a full heart.

What would happen if we showed that kind of service everyday to everyone?

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/26/10 - "Locked-Up"

It is 8am and I am locked in the guest bedroom at Martha's house. The door doesn't lock from the inside, so to keep me safe she put a pad-lock on the outside. I will just have to wait until she comes to get me.

This visit has started off weird and somewhat uncomfortable. I don't know if it is just me, or if they feel the same.

The five hour drive from Watoto Wa Baraka to Nyahururu ended up taking about six and a half hours which put us at their house about 9:30pm. As mentioned before, Kenyans take their time on everything, even road trips. The additional hour and a half was made up of multiple stops to get school supplies, fruit, shoes, cell phone credits, drug store etc. We also stopped for dinner. Martha was very nice and wanted to make sure I didn't go too long with out eating, so we picked up some fried chicken and french fries. It was 8pm so I figured this would be my last meal for the day and devoured every bite. America may be the fattest country in the world, but Kenyans know how to fry some chicken! It was delicious.

It was freezing when we pulled into Nyahururu. I had no idea it would be so much colder than in Makuyu (the village where Watoto Wa Baraka is located), so I didn't pack appropriately. I only brought a short sleeve shirt, a long sleeve shirt, a tank top, leggings, crop pants, and my PJ's. No Northface jacket and no sweater. One of my least favorite things is to be cold. I would rather have sweat running down my back and sweaty armpit rings than to be cold. I am happy when it is 72 degrees or higher. I keep a heater on in my office during the summer because that is when the A/C is cranked up. Makes sense, right?

Another predicament I am dealing with is my period. I started a few days ago and luckily I had a few tampons in my suitcase, but not enough to last my whole cycle. I wasn't too worried about it because I thought I could get some at the store. Well, they don't sell tampons here; they sell maxi-pads. I haven't used a pad since I was 12. Why? Because they suck! They are messy and they don't help with not-so-fresh smell. On top of that, I left all my "granny panties" at home so I don't even know if the adhesive tape on the back of the pad will stick to my g-string underwear. Why I only brought g-string underwear to Kenya, I have no idea.

When we finally made it to their house, we were greeted by their three children: Brian, Nonemus and Celia. The six of us sat on the couch drinking tea, watching soccer and chatting. During that time Martha started to breast feed Celia. Generally speaking I don't mind a woman breast feeding in public, but this time it felt awkward for me. I think maybe it is because Celia is more of a toddler and quite squiggly. She would suck for a little bit then stop and start playing around then go back. Martha just left her breast hanging out instead of putting it up and pulling it back out over and over again. It's not bad, just different and I don't really know where to look.

After about two hours of chatting, I was ready for bed. I didn't want to be a rude guest so I was waiting for the right time to excuse myself. Well before I got the courage to do so, Martha served dinner. This threw me for a loop. It was 11:30pm and I was still full from the fried chicken, fries and tea (they make tea with freshly squeezed goat milk which is very heavy and nothing like the fat free milk I drink at home). I don't know how else to explain how full my stomach was except by this analogy: Imagine going to your moms for Thanksgiving breakfast at 10am, then to your dads Thanksgiving lunch at 1pm, the to your grandma's Thanksgiving dinner at 4pm and then hitting the Chinese buffet at 7pm. I knew she made this just for me, so I unbuttoned my pants and ate as much as I could. I am glad I did because the food was great and I think it made her happy.

When we were finished eating, Martha showed me to my room. I was so excited to see a full size bed with sheets, blankets and pillows. But the most exciting part was the bathroom. It has running water! Not only is it inside and right next to my room, but it has a toilet seat, sink, and shower. Hallelujah! What I wasn't so excited about is how cold it is. But to solve the problem I put on EVERY piece of clothing I brought with me. I am not exaggerating. I literally put everything on.

I had a good nights sleep and I am ready for what ever today brings, as soon as she unlocks my door.


GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flasback - 4/25/10 "A Kenyan Family"

Today Martha and Pacomis Wambugu are picking me up to visit their home in Nyahururu which is about five hours away from Watoto Wa Baraka.

How did I get connected with Martha and Pacomis you ask? They are in-laws to my dad's co-worker, Priscilla. Dad started talking to her about his concern for my safety in Kenya when God sent me the check (see previous blog for explanation of "the check").

Out of the kindness of her heart, Priscilla called Martha to see if they would be willing to pick me up at the airport. Not only did they agree to pick me up, they asked their son-in-law, who is a policeman at the airport,to walk me through customs, visited the orphanage a few weeks before I arrived to make sure it was a valid organization, stayed at the hotel with me my first night in Nairobi, helped me exchange my money from dollars to schillings, and helped me buy a cell phone. They are truly a blessing. Although I thought I could handle all these things on my own, I now see that was arrogance, not independence.

If you are reading this and think it is just a coincidence that my dad knew these nice people, you are sorely mistaken. This was all orchestrated by God.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/24/10 "Picky Picky!"

I've noticed that it is totally acceptable to pick your nose in public here, anytime and anywhere. I find that quite interesting because generally speaking Kenyans are much more conservative that America. For example, women wear mostly skirts below the knee or longer and the only people I have seen in jeans or shorts are the kids.

It is just curious to me that in America that one is more likely to be judged if they are caught picking their nose in public but we can wear short skirts, tank tops, string bikinis, jorts (in case you don't know that is jean shorts), dresses that show cleavage and not be judged.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/23/10 "Yuck"

Tonight for dinner we had Chipati which is basically flour and water made into a dough like substance and then fried with animal lard. It is really good, but doesn't help my ever expanding waist line.

I thought I would lose weight while I was over here, so I intentionally put on a few extra pounds before coming. But now that I am here, the exact opposite happened. I have gained weight. I don't know how much I have gained because there isn't a scale but my pants are really tight and I just feel yucky. I wonder why? Umm, maybe it is because all I have been eating is carbs and sugars. Here is an example of my daily meal plan:

6:30am cliff bar (I brought those from home)
7:30am breakfast (which consists of bread and tea)
10:00am cliff bar
10:15am candy/trail mix
11:00am cliff bar
1:00pm lunch (rice and beans)
1:15pm candy, cookies, pb&j
3:00pm cliff bar,sugar cane,tail mix
5:00pm banana
7:00pm dinner (rice and beans)
8:30pm candy, cookies, pb&j, banana


I know some of you reading this are thinking "Tracy is complaining about gaining weight? Seriously?!?" Well no matter how much you weigh, if you put on a few pounds and can no longer zip your pants it is hard to be at peace with it.

Right now I am totally thinking like an American and it's embarrassing! Why am I concerned about how I will look in my bathing suit this summer? There are starving children all around me! I can blame it on the American culture, but I am the one in control of what I believe to be true about myself. So the "weigh" I see it, I can keep obsessing about how much I have gained OR I can stop being so narcissistic.


Unfortunately at this moment and time, I chose vanity. My identity is wrapped up in how thin I am and I don't think I am in a place emotionally to let go of that. I pray that God help me see myself in His loving eyes, not the eyes of the judgemental enemy.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/23/10 "On The Hunt"

Today Zach, the Manager of Watoto Wa Baraka, and I went hunting for a dairy cow.

Let me explain why. I raised money for the trip from my family, friends and church group (see list of donors at the top of my blog home page). And by God's doing and the generosity of my friends, I exceeded my goal. I promptly started praying and asking God how He wanted me to use the additional money. It is VERY important to me that I be a good steward of the money, which is really all God's money anyway. Yes, my friends and family were the contributors, but in my opinion only God can inspire someone to give money. About a week after I arrived, God answered my prayers.

Due to a lack of resources, the kids don't drink milk. Right away I knew that is where God wanted me to invest the money. As we all know, calcium is extremely important to a healthy diet. I shared my thoughts with Zach to make sure I was offering a hand-up not a hand-out. I have read too many stories of Westerners coming into a third world country and assuming they know what is best, but actually end up creating more issues. Zach was excited about the idea and said the only option was to buy a dairy cow. Not only would the heifer provide milk, but her manure could be used for their bio-gas system.

Our hunt began with a trip to meet Mr. Wachira, a very successful farmer in the village. Apparently, Mr. Wachira is the only farmer outside of Nairobi who has heifers producing 35 litres of milk a day, the amount needed for each kid to get a glass a day.

When we arrived to his farm, it became very apparent how successful he is. He owns countless cows, goats, pigs in addition to a fish pond. He also has his own bore hole, a car, a garage for his car, running hot water, 1500 chickens, advanced bio-gas system, 40+ acres of land and all the resources to keep the farm in working order.

Mr. Wachira was not at home when we arrived but his farmhands said he would be back very soon. We waited for what seemed like hours and were just about to leave before we heard is car come down the dirt road.

He sat down with us and listened to our needs. Unfortunately, he was not ready to sell his cows. He told us that they need to birth a calf first. Strike One. But he called a friend who had some for sale. Unfortunately, we were too late; he had already sold his. Strike two.

Mr. Wachira asked Zach some questions about how WWB takes care of their livestock now. After hearing Zach, he said he wasn't so sure buying a cow right now is the best option. He thinks we might need to get some operational things into place before we invest money in a heifer. I asked him to come to WWB, meet the kids and advise us on what to do. He said he would be at the orphanage on April 30th, 10am.

I don't know what to expect, but I am excited to find out.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/21/10 - "I've Got A Feeling..."

I woke up in the middle of the night last night with this sense that I need to extend my trip another week. When I first planned my trip, I intended to stay for four weeks. But when I decided to go on Safari, I added another week to fulfill my commitment of four weeks of volunteering at the orphanage. So if I extend my trip again that will make a total of six weeks in Kenya. It is going to be really hard roughing it for another 14 days, but I don't want to discount this prompting. If I do ignore it, I am certain I will regret it for the rest of my life. I don't know how I know this is what I am supposed to do, I just know. Maybe the fact that I can't pinpoint why I feel inspired to stay is because it is coming from God. I have learned from previous experience that God doesn't demand, He inspires.

Wonder what He wants me to do in these additional weeks?

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/20/10 - "Cha' Ching"

Our last stop on Safari was at the Massai Market, the equivalent to a flea market in the United States. There are about 100 vendors selling anything from purses to bananas. Most of the vendors use a blanket as a booth and lay their merchandise on top.

Being the only white people around, we stick out like a virgin in the Playboy mansion. Therefore, the minute we walk in we are surrounded by "personal shoppers". They want to know where we are from and at first I thought they were sincerely interested. Not so much. Stanley told me later that they want to know if you are American so they can set the price accordingly. I get why they do it, and I would probably do the same thing if I were in their shoes, but it still feels like you are being taken advantage of.

Daniel, the name of my "personal shopper", followed me around and put anything I touched in a bag. I told him I was just browsing, and wouldn't be buying everything. He said "No worries! I will hold all your items and help you pick at the end. We'll get you a good price." Pretty slick, huh?

Once I was done, Daniel escorted me to the "Negotiator". This guy's sole responsibility is to bargain with you until you crack. The "Negotiator" asked the same question "Where are you from madame?" I considered telling him I was from another country, but I didn't want to lie. So I opted to just say "I am from everywhere."

At that point he calculated all of my items and came up with a price. I tried to counter with confidence, but like any good sales person, he knew I wanted it all. He knew I wouldn't be able to walk away. And he was right, I have a hard time walking away from something I want and I don't just mean material things. Which makes me think, is that tenacity, or stupidity?

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/20/10 - "Balancing Act"

It is interesting how taking one step forward in the journey of life reveals more about the journey you used to be on. I came on this adventure with the hope of learning about the Kenyan lifestyle, people, and most of all how I can serve Kenyans in need. But during the process I am learning what defined me before and what I want to define me now. Basically, I am learning the definition of "Tracy".

Until this trip I never realized how much and how often I taper my feelings to accommodate others. In stead of just owning my emotions, I worry about the other person's feelings. I am terrified of rocking the boat. I am terrified that if I express my feelings of anger, disappointment, or annoyance I will be seen as combative, thoughtless,selfish, difficult, or offensive.** In my head I know you can show grace, mercy and love even when expressing feelings of anger, but in my heart it freakin' scares me. I am slowly starting to realize I am only responsible for my feelings and actions. I have no control over anyone else and how they feel. I pray that I can work towards balancing validating others feelings while acknowledging my own.

** Since I struggle so much with defining what my emotions are I had to use http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/feelings.html. I am thinking I need to carry around a copy of that list for awhile.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/20/10 - Peaks and Valleys

There is no denying it. I am at my breaking point. I am tired of mosquito nets with holes, toilets that are just a hole in the ground, cup showers you take outside, bugs, no T.V., no coffee, the smell, the crazy matatu rides, the smog in Thika and Nairobi, and..... OH MY GOODNESS! I just looked outside the Safari van window to see the most beautiful sight I have ever seen - Mt. Kilimanjaro. If only I were a poet, I would have the words to describe this magnificent piece of land. Do you even call a the largest mountain in Kenya rising to 19,340 ft. a "piece of land"? Anyway, this majestic creation of God has my emotions stirring, in a good way. Like when you hear the National Anthem play, or when someone expresses their love for you, or when you find that perfect pair of shoes or when "The Bachelor" gets down on one knee to propose, even though you know it is a sham or best of all, when God shows Himself to you. I find it quite interesting that just as I was complaining about the gift which I have been praying for for more than two years, a volunteer trip to Africa, God shows Himself to me. Man, is God cool! He knows how to put you in your place through beauty, not anger. I guess that is why we call him God.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?


** The second picture is of the pool at our lodge in Amboseli. We weren't expecting to stay here. Another example of God putting me in my place.

Flashback - 04/20/10 - Thank God for Butter

Today was a hard day. We woke up at 6am to watch the sun-rise and prepare for a stroll around Lake Nakuru traveling to a hot spring. Well unbeknown to me, it wasn't a stroll it was a 10 mile hike lasting 3 hours. I was mentally complaining the entire time so much so that I couldn't enjoy the beautiful scenery. Once we finally arrived at the hot spring I started to lighten up a bit. I don't know if it was the fact that we made it before I turned 34 or if it was the naked man we saw bathing in the hot spring. Unfortunately, we didn't see his "jewels" but I did get to watch his six pack glisten in the sun. Soaking in the hot spring was amazingly relaxing and perfect after our long hike. After soaking in the water for about an hour we set out to Hells Gate.

Our plan was to see the wildlife on Lake Navisha (flamingos and rhinos)then take a bike ride through Hells Gate to the Hells Gate Gorge and go for a hike. My first mistake was imagining our bike ride would be similar to pedaling a beach cruiser along the Newport Beach boardwalk. I have been in Kenya long enough to know that nothing here is like Orange County, California. Let me rephrase that. Nothing in the world is like Orange County, California. Good, bad or indifferent it is the truth. My second mistake was letting my negative thoughts control my day.

When we arrived to the Hells Gate National Park, Stanley took us right to Lake Navisha to seek out rhinos and see the pink flamingos. There were so many flamingos it looked like a lake of Pepto Bismol. And while I am on the subject, Pepto Bismol has saved my life on this trip! Anyway, after taking some pictures by the Sea of Pepto, we drove around looking for a rhino. Not only did we see one we saw a BLACK rhino. There are less than 50 black rhino left in the world, which makes them officially extinct. My day was getting better! The excitement of seeing something so rare re-energized me. I was ready for the next leg of the day, the bike and hike of Hells Gate Gorge.

We rented three bikes because Stanley and Esther had to take the Safari van to get the transmission fixed. The debacle of the broken transmission is another story that I have chosen to forget. Since Stanley wasn't with us, Kathy, Mike and I were left to fend for ourselves. No big deal, it is just five miles to the gorge and on a bike it would be a breeze! Not so much. The bikes we rented were so old I think they were made during the cold war. The handles were placed in a weird position, the seat was a piece of metal with leather over made to look like it was padded, which it was not. Thankfully we had rubber on the tires. I quickly realized my "beach boardwalk" was a path-o-rocks. After about 30 minutes of riding and only going one mile, Kathy's bike broke. She was pedaling, but the tires weren't moving. Our choices were to walk the bikes the rest of the way to the gorge, or have Mike take the bike back to get another. Kathy and I chose the latter. I can't tell you how long it took, but while Kathy and I were waiting we saw tons of zebras and a mama with her baby giraffe. That made up for the bike fiasco. Finally, Mike arrived with the new bike and off we went.

Once we reached the gorge we hired a tour guide to take us thousands of miles down to the inside of the gorge. Okay, it might not have been thousands of miles down, but Hells Gate Gorge is like a baby Grand Canyon. We told our guide we wanted the 45minute mini tour, not the five hour tour. It was quite an experience hiking in the gorge. We had to build a human chain to get from one rock to the next. By the time we made it to the bottom of the gorge, what the locals call "hell", we were already at the 45 minute mark. And of course to get out of the gorge you must climb up to "heaven". By the time we got up to "heaven" we had invested four hours on this journey and we still had to go back. I would like to say the bike ride back wasn't as bad as the way in, but it was worse. We got caught up in both a rain storm and a dust storm. Seriously!?!?

I will admit it, I am being a tad ungrateful but it was a hard day. Deep down I am very grateful and know I will look back on this day with humor but right now the only thing I can be grateful for is the half a loaf of bread and butter I ate to comfort myself :)



GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

Flashback - 4/19/10 - The Secret Service of Safari

Today is the first day of Safari. Mike, Kathy and I are doing a 5 night/6 day safari to Massai Mara, Lake Nakru, Hells Gate, and Amboseli. Mike and Kathy are volunteering at the orphanage while on their honeymoon. Pretty selfless to spend your honeymoon in a orphanage! I am not so sure I could do it. Giving up your "flower" on a cot with a two inch mattress underneath a mosquito net while geckos are crawling up the walls just doesn't sound romantic to me.

Anyway, Stanley and Esther, our Safari guides, picked the three of us up from the orphanage at 6am this morning. Some of the kids were already awake, so they grabbed our bags and carried them to the safari van. No one asked them to do it, they just like to help out. After they loaded our bags and pushed our van out of the mud, we were off!

Our first stop was actually Nairobi to go to the bank and get food from the market. Just like any other road trip you need junk food and lots of it! I think we finally left Nairobi around 9am, and didn't get to Massai Mara reserve until 4pm. Since it was so late in the day we only had about two hours to drive around. But were still able to see cheetahs, lions, lion cubs, lionesses, giraffes, zebras, elephants, and wildebeests.

We pulled into the campsite, Flamingo Lodge, about 6:30pm. The campsite is kind of like a ghost town. The only people here are the five of us (Stanley, Esther, Mike, Kathy and me) and four staff members (a cook, a helper and two Massai Warriors for security). I tell you what, being on Safari is a dream come true, but taking a hot shower and eating a real meal is a close second.

After I stuffed myself with spaghetti and meat sauce, green beans and carrots, fresh mango and bread with butter and jelly, I made my way to bed. Just as I was starting to feel relaxed and comfortable in these new surroundings, I realized the Massai Warriors were stationed 50 feet from my tent. On one hand it is reassuring to have protection from the wild animals, but on the other hand I am a totally spooked that the only thing separating me and two strange men with weapons is a canvas door with a broken zipper. I guess if they were to come after me I can use my bible to beat them over the head....

Flashback - 4/18/2010 - "Truth Be Told"

Before I came over here I was laid off due to a $1 million budget cut. I worked for an association of attorneys doing business partnerships and vendor sponsorships. My main role was to secure sponsors and exhibitors for the conferences hosted by the association. As a matter of fact, the Mid-Year Conference is going on right now in Austin, TX. And all I can think about is how bad I want the Mid-Year Conference to fail. I have visions that all of the vendors and sponsors are miserable and frustrated. So much so, that they demand for my return. I am fully aware that if I had not been laid off I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't have the freedom to stay as long as I want. Yet, I still want them to fail.

I find it quite interesting that thousands of miles away from home I have feelings of vindication, jealousy and bitterness. I assumed all my worldly desires and insecurities would fade away while being over here. Obviously that is not true.

The truth for me right now is that I feel I have no value unless I am the best at everything. That is not God's truth. God's truth is that we are enough just by who we are, and He loves us even in our most vulnerable state.

Flashback - 4/17/10 - Once a mother, always a mother

I just found out I have some sort of worm. I have no idea what kind of worm, or what medicine they gave me because I didn't go to the docotor, just my poop did. I know it was stupid of me not to get that information, but I can't change that now. I am for sure not telling mom. She will get pissed that I didn't find out all the information for myself. Here is how the conversation will go:

"Mom, we figured out why all the kids are so sick, they have ameobas."

"Oh no! Are they okay? Did you get tested too, Tracy?"

"Yeah the kids have been given medicine which is supposed to take care of it. Yeah, I got tested."

"Well....?"

"Well, I had a different kind of worm."

"What kind of different worm, Tracy?"

"I don't know mother." (I always say 'mother' when I am annoyed or when I kow she is right and I don't want to admit it).

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW?!?!? Tracy, let me understand this correctly, you sent your poop with someone else and just took whatever pill they gave you? How do you know it wasn't some sort of illegal drug???"

"I don't know for sure, but if it was an illegal drug I got cheated because I didn't get high."

"Tracy that is not funny. You need to be more responsible. You are 33 years old. Didn't I teach you better than that?"

"Nope you didn't. If I die from some unknown worm it is all your fault. Seriously mom, we both know you taught me many valuable lessons. I just chose not to follow the rules this time. And it all worked out just fine."

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. ARE YOU?

P.S. I LOVE YOU MOM!

Flashback - 4/16/10 - Bonding Over Bowel Movements

A handful of kids have tested positive for amoebas (parasites). I am pretty certain the amoeba is the cause of the high fevers and upset stomachs. My favorite nurse at Don Bosco, Sister Agnes, recommended we test every child for parasites. I immediately envisioned all 35 kids making the four mile trek to the hospital with me and the other volunteers in tow. The villagers have enough reason to stare at us Mzungos (white person), they don't need a parade. But I figured the humiliation would be worth it to keep the kids safe from disease. If only that was the way things turned out. Sister Agnes handed over 35 containers for us to collect the stool samples ourselves and bring it back the next day. OH KINYESHI! (OH SHIT!)

Bright and early the next day we rang the bell and the kids came running. They were so excited because they thought we were calling them to play a game. Well I guess if you call shitting in a cup a game, let's play!

The rules of the game:
1. Take a piece of newspaper and plastic bag
2. Go find a quiet place to shit on the newspaper
3. Carefully wrap the shit in the newspaper and place in the plastic bag
4. The first one done wins a prize!

I have never seen so many people shit on call. It has to be the way they sit. They squat so low, their butts almost touch the ground which allows for gravity to suck the "kinyeshi" out.

The winner if the game was Little Joyce. Not only did she finish first, she had the best presentation. She had carefully pooped in the middle of the newspaper, folded it into a perfect square, placed it in the plastic bag and tied a knot. When she handed it to me she said "For you". You can see her winners glow in the picture. And that is how you bond over bowel movements.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. NO EXCUSES. TAKE ACTION.

Flashback - 4/16/10 - Hell on Earth

After dinner Zach, the Watoto Wa Baraka orphanage manager, and I had a conversation about the hardships some of the kids went through to get to Watoto Wa Baraka. The more I get to know the staff and the orphanage, the more I realize the significant impact it will have on these children's lives. Watoto Wa Baraka litterally saved some of the kids from death. Each child has a story as to how they got to Watoto Wa Baraka. They are all heartbreaking, but one in particular rattled my faith.

In 2008 the country was in the middle of a tribal and political warfare. More than 200 people of the Kikuyu tribe took shelter in a local church expecting the enemy would not attack in God's home. Unfortunately, they were dead wrong, literally. One woman that was burned to death was a single mom raising an 11 year old girl and a 5 year old boy. Thank God the kids were not in the area during the attack, but they suffered the consequences severely. For more than three days the two children waited for their mother to come home. They were left to fend for themselves and eventually ran out resources, food and shelter. These two children were one of the first to call Watoto Wa Baraka home.

The girl turned 14 this year, and is a leader at Watoto Wa Baraka. She settles the kids down after dinner so they can read bible scripture, she studies while the other kids play, she takes care of the younger kids and out of the all the kids in the orphanage she has the biggest smile and the most intoxicating laugh.

As you read the story think about all the petty things our government fights over. All the verbal attacks from Democrats to Republicans and from Republicans to Democrats, and now the Tea Party. No matter how bad Jon Stewart or Glenn Beck think things are, they just simply are not.



GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. NO EXCUSES. TAKE ACTION.

80 children massacred in church fire

Flashback - 04/15/2010 - Dog Bites

Today Priscilla and I took a trip to a private hospital, Don Bosco, to help one of the sponsored girls, Mary. Mary was bitten by a rabid dog on her leg three days ago (April 12) and hasn't received any medical attention. The reason she has not been to the hospital is not because her mother is neglectful, but because they don't have money to pay for the immunizations. The good news is that Watoto Wa Baraka pays for the sponsored kids medical needs. Mary and her mother walked five miles (10 miles round trip) to the hospital, and have to make that hike four more times over the next two weeks to complete the immunization. I am not a doctor, but I am certain walking 10 miles to and from a hospital with the excruciating pain and numbness in your leg from a dog bite is no walk in the park.

Makes you appreciate the things we take for granted, like immunization shots.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. NO EXCUSES. TAKE ACTION.

Flashback - 04/16/2010 - Shaking Hands, Kissing Babies

Erick and I spent five hours in the field today visiting some of the kids sponsored by Watoto Wa Baraka. It was hot, treacherous, and fun! All the kids we pass along the way run behind yelling "Mzungo!Mzungo!Mzungo! How are you?" Then they run up smiling and giggling to touch my hand. It is delightful to see pure bliss from a simple wave, hand shake and respond to their greeting in Swahili "Haburi Yako! Jina langu ni Tracy. Jina yako ni?" (How are you? My name is Tracy. What is your name?). Once we get past the formalities, we hold hands and skip down the path as far as they can go.

Have you skipped with anyone today?

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. NO EXCUSES. TAKE ACTION.

Flashback - 04/15//2010 - Cerebral Palsy in a Third World Country

We went to Nairobi today to visit Erick's cousins, Mary and Peter. It took three different matutu's and a "private" bus ride to get to their home. The highlight of the bus ride was listening to Jay Z's classic hip-hop rap smash hit "Big Pimpin".

Peter and Mary have a 10 year old daughter, Immaculate, with Cerebral Palsy. Because of Immaculate they have started a movement to fight the stigma of children with Cerebral Palsy in Kenya. In Kenya it is perceived as a shameful thing to have a child with a deformity or illness like Cerebral Palsy. More often than not, kids are abandoned and left to die. Even if their parents do keep them, the child has very solitary life. They are kept under lock and key and treated as if they were an animal. Peter and Mary have gone against the grain with Immaculate and take her everywhere. Their mission is to educate the public about CP, provide services and medical help to the families, and give the children a chance to live a normal life.

Peter wanted us to learn more about the difficulties of having a child with CP in a third world country. So he took us to visit a family with TWO kids with Cerebral Palsy. They live in the Nairobi slums in a one room apartment on the seventh floor. Can you imagine?!? That means they have to carry their 75lbs children up and down seven flights of stairs everyday. Think of that the next time you take an elevator to the second floor of a building carrying only your laptop.

When we walked in to their apartment the mother, Susan, was holding her 8 year old son, Paul, and hand feeding him. Paul doesn't have control of his esophagus, and therefore spits up more food than he consumes.

The other son, Alex, is 6 years old and is a bit more mobile than Paul. He is able to pull himself up to the window and look out at the neighbors. It probably took Alex 10 minutes to get positioned just right, but he was so happy once he was able to look out that window. He filled the whole room with his joyful laugh.

The entire visit I kept thinking how much they must sacrifice for their kids to be in a loving home. The part that I still can't wrap my head around is that they really don't have anything, so they are sacrificing more than what they have.

Both of these families actions and love for those in need, including their own family, reconfirms my belief that God created us to serve, therefore we must.

Think back over the last week. What have you sacrificed for someone else?

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. NO EXCUSES. TAKE ACTION.

Flashback - 04/13/2010 - How to make coffee in Kenya Orphanage

Flashback - 04/13/2010 - Not so much

The guy volunteer just arrived. I am pretty certain we aren't soul mates. There is nothing wrong with him, just not my type, nor am I his. He did make me coffee, which I haven't had since arriving at Watoto Wa Baraka. He took the beans right off the coffee tree, dried and roasted them, and then used a mortar and pestle to grind the beans. I don't know maybe coffee making skills is enough to build a long lasting relationship :) See YouTube Video blog.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. NO EXCUSES. TAKE ACTION.

Flashback - 04/13/2010 - Match made in a Kenyan Village??

OMG! I just found out a guy volunteer is coming today! YAY!!! How romantic would it be to meet my husband at an orphanage in Kenya?? Our love story would be movie material, or at least get us on Oprah :)

I am not ashamed to say I said a little prayer to God about this. I wonder if God likes cheesy romantic love stories like I do?


GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. NO EXCUSES. TAKE ACTION.

Flashback - 04/11/2010 - Letter of Love

Right after dinner tonight Anima, whom I have mentioned before, sheepishly and quietly handed me something. She smiled and whispered "don't read this until you are alone."

So I came directly back to my dorm room to read it. She handmade an envelope with a piece of paper, and put a note inside. There are no words to describe the feeling that came over me. The letter was an answer to one of my prayers. I have been doubtful if I have a purpose at the orphanage and think maybe I should just throw in the towel. The minute I started to read the rainbow marker colored words on her note, I knew this was God's doing. He knew I was doubting, and needs me to stay. I am still not certain why or what I am supposed to do here, but I have to find faith to do so. Wouldn't it be great if we could find our faith in a lost-in-found box? Or nail a sign up on a tree with the words "LOST FAITH. IF FOUND PLEASE CALL 512-788-4749. REWARD."

I hope you enjoy the letter as much as I do.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. NO EXCUSES. TAKE ACTION.

Flashback - 4/10/2010 - Ice Cream, Internet & French Fries

It is official! I have been at Watoto Wa Baraka Orphanage in Kenya for one week.

All the other volunteers and I went to Thika to use the internet and explore the city life. Thika is pretty fast paced with tarmac roads, banks, Grocery store, restaurants, hOtels and even a shoe store.

Having access to technology after seven Days of nothing (noCell phone, TV, DVD, running water, or electRicity) was quitE a treAt. But The biggest trEat of all was the fooD. I had french fries, cookies dipped in chocolate, ice cream, roasted maize (like corn on the cob), and pineapple. All of that went down my trap in two hours flat. The sUper market was lovely,mostly because it has fluShing toilets and soap dispensers.

Erick, the sTaff member whO accompanied us, gave uS 20 minutEs to do all our shopping because we had to catch the matatu by 4:00 pm to get back to the oRphanage before dark. Oy Vey! It was like we wEre on the game show "Super Market Sweep". I literally grabbed a basket and started runnnig to fiNd what I needed. The prOblem was I didn't know what I neEded. In eXactly 20 minutes I was able to grab four bags of Coffee, three apples, a bUnch of bananaS, peanut buttEr, popcorn, granola, chipS and ice cream. I got in line with two minutes to go and as my turn came up, I realized I didn't follow protocol with the produce. You are supposed To weigh and lAbel before you get in line. So an employee of the super marKet had to take thEm and do it for me. I wAs so Close to the finish line! I could see everyone waiTing for me on the other sIde. But unlike "Super Market Sweep" they were nOt cheering me on. They were aNnoyed.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. NO EXCUSES. TAKE ACTION.

Flashback - 4/10/2010 - Tiger Woods of Kenya

One of the orphanage staff members, we'll call her Mary, shared a story of heartache and relationship gone bad.

Mary was in relationship (how they say dating) with one man for about a year. This man is heavily involved in his church and respected by the community. The courtship began while they were in University. They saw each other daily, just spending time together and hanging out. She soon fell in love and gave him her heart, but not her body. After about 8 months in she found out he had been cheating on her, and therefore cut off all ties of communication. As any cheating man does, he tried to win her back. He sat outside her dorm room at University for hours on end and sent numerous text messages. He gained her trust back, so she give him one more chance. Just like in the movies, she found out the woman he had been cheating on her with was pregnant. Mary broke it off yet again, this time for good. She didn't want to get in between a man and a woman, because that is not what God would want. Mary says only through prayer and faith was she able to heal and forgive him. She believes the reason she was able to find peace so quickly is because she prayed for him, not herself.

I find it interesting that no matter where you go, even in a Kenyan Village, people suffer heartache and pain because of relationships. It taught me that the desire to be in love and relationship is world wide, and so is temptation and betrayal.

Have you been hurt? I certainly have. Have you tried to pray for the person who hurt you?


GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. NO EXCUSES. TAKE ACTION.

Flashback - 4/09/2010 - Field Work

I remember when I first got the information about the different volunteer duties we could choose from : Laundry Assistant, Kitchen Assitant, HIV/AIDS Hospital volunteer, Gardening Assistant, Farm and Animal Care Assistant, Clean up after kids assistant (that is not the real name, but that is pretty much all you do), Teaching Assistant, and FIELD WQRK.
As the field worker assistant, you go around the nearby villages to check in on the sponsors kids, how exciting! At least it is to me.

Today was my first day in Field Work with Erick. We left about 8:30am and came back around 1:30pm. Not too bad of a work day, huh? Well we walked the entire time, probably about six miles. Six miles is not really that far to walk, but it is in a village with no paved roads, sidewalks, water stations, or place to stop and have lunch. I realized taking your work to lunch is not common like in America. First of all, there are no left-overs. People eat as much as they can when they have it. Even if they did have left - overs it would go to livestock, not in a glade tupperware containter and put in the refrigerator over night.

Not only did I enjoy getting to see how the villagers live and what kind of lifestyle, I was able to ask Erick questions about his life, dreams and other Kenyan cultural stuff.

Tracy: "What is your dream?"
Erick: "To run an orphanage in Nairobi that not only serves the kids, but also the community. The center would have HIV/AIDS counseling and education, Doctor on staff, job resource center, basically anything to help those in need."

Tracy: "What is your favorite food?"
Erick: "Um, I am not sure. I guess Ugali (yuck!) and Chipati (yum!). What is your favorite food, Tracy?"

Tracy: "I would have to say cheeseburgers and sushi. Have you ever had either one?"
Erick: "No. I think I know what a hamburger is, but what is sushi?"

Tracy: "How does it work with the kids who are sponsored? How do you know who needs one?"
Erick: "It is $25 to sponsor a child. That money will go to whatever it is they need. Usually it is school clothes, school supplies, matress, food, shoes, and etc. The people in the community tell me if another child is in need. We currently have 59kids sponsored, but have another 20 kids on the list waiting."

Tracy: "Why aren't the kids living at the orphanage if they are so needy?"
Erick: "About 90% of the sponsor kids are living with a grandparent, or other relative. So they are not considered orphans. Until of course the grandparent dies, and people live pretty long here. My grandmother lived to 120 years old."

Tracy: "Is it okay if I look at a man and smile?"
Erick: "That's a funny question. Why do you ask?"
Tracy: "Because I have tried to make eye contact with people, both men and women, and they all seem to look away."
Erick: "That is probably because you are a mzungo(white person). Some people here have never seen a mzungo. Have you noticed all the kids running behind us on the road? They have been yelling 'mzungo!mzungo!mzungo!How are you?' You see all babies are born white, even African babies. So they think you are a big baby, and want to touch the hand of a big white baby."

Tracy: "Why are there tons of calendars hanging on the walls of the houses?"
Erick: "That is how they decorate. How do you decorate at home?"
Tracy: "Well we usually paint the walls different colors, hang pictures of family, or art work up."

Tracy: "Is is rude for me to decline tea or bread when they offer it to me? It seems every home we have been to they offer tea, and I can't drink that much tea or I will have to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes."
Erick: "It isn't rude. They probably won't stop asking, so it is easier to just tell them you only want a little."

** the picture is of me and local villagers. the older woman admired the bandana I was wearing, so I gave it to her.

GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. NO EXCUSES. TAKE ACTION.

Flashback - 4/08/2010 - Fire & Ice

Last night (4/7/2010) was really frustrating. During school I noticed one of the girls, Catherine, was not engaging in the class. She had this dazed look and tears were streaming down her face. She wasn't wailing, just sitting there, no sounds just tears. When I went over to ask if she was alright she didn't respond. I don't know if it was because she felt so bad, or if she didn't understand what I was saying. Probably a little of both.

The only thing I could think to do was take her temperature. She had a fever of 103. Since I don't really know how the orphanage handles sick kids, I asked for guidance from Zach, the orphanage manager. He said to give her some medicine, and check back in on her a little later.
WHAT!?!??! I didn't understand! Why didn't he drop everything to take appropriate action like my mom? When I had a fever that high my mom would throw my naked butt into a bath full of freezing water and ice.

Well a bath full of ice is not an option at the orphanage. So I opted for the alternative of Tylenol and kept a cold compress on her forehead until she fell asleep.

Surprisingly, Catherine came to dinner. I figured she must have broken her fever. Not true. She still had a 101.7 degree temperature.(I found out later that the kids don't miss a meal, no matter how bad they feel.) I immediately picked her up and took her to her bed. One of the older girls, Amina, followed me. Amina made sure Catherine ate some of her dinner while I put another cold compress on her forehead. Her fever did break in the middle of the night and she is doing okay today. Thank God!

Now looking back, I realized I over reacted. The orphanage staff handled the situation much better than me. They take good care of the kids and always have their best interest at heart. The kids have full stomachs, clean drinking water, are provided with an education and are given more love than anyone could imagine. I was just really confused and frustrated by the whole situation. It is frustrating when someone handles a situation different than you would. I am sure they were frustrated with me. I am a Middle Class American volunteer with no children. Who am I to make judgement on their way of life?

I am guessing this is another lesson of patience God is trying to teach me. I cannot impose my way of thinking onto them. The orphanage was here before I came, and will be here when I leave. But I tell ya, it is REALLY hard to keep my beliefs and values in check. Kenya has a totally different way of life and culture than the U.S.

Jesus - I ask for you to help me find patience. I pray for wisdom and discernment on how God wants me to spend my time here. Does He want me to just love and serve, or is there something more?

Flashback - 4/7/2010 - Human Sexuality, AIDS and Relationships

Today Priscilla, the teacher at the orphanage, and I went to the HIV/AIDS Hospital that WWB Orphanage has partnered with. When we arrived at the hospital, there were about 50 HIV positive individuals waiting to get counseling. It was a very surreal experience. As I walked by them I tried to smile, but I knew they knew I knew they had AIDS and it was really uncomfortable.

On the way back to the orphanage Priscilla and I talked about sex education in Kenya. Kenya is just now implementing sex education and awareness in the community. Unfortunately, they only focus on educating the women, not men. I guess the perception is that a woman in responsible for saying "no". Priscilla said men will target very poor children and women and offer gifts or money for sex. Because the women are so poor, they take the money to buy food, clothes, water or pay for school tuition. The women trade sex for things they have a right to have. Then once the man gets what he wants, he leaves the woman with an STD, or a baby on the way.

Because I am such a curious person, I couldn't resist asking if there was any education about self pleasure. I told her in America we have started to openly discuss masturbation so girls will learn to respect their bodies and not feel the pressure to have pre-marital sex.

Priscilla didn't really respond. Maybe I crossed a line, but I wanted to know. If I don't ask I will only make assumptions.

Remember: GOD CREATED US TO SERVE. NO EXCUSES ALLOWED. GET INVOLVED TODAY.

Flashback - 4/5/2010 - Someones in the Kitchen with Grace

Today I was on kitchen duty. We started at 9am sorting beans and didn't stop until 2pm. The kids are eager to help and seem to enjoy showing me the difference between "good" and "bad" beans. Grace, the cook, works pretty much all day long. She gets up around 6am to make porridge for the kids and tea for the volunteers. Then she starts to prepare lunch and dinner. In between all that she sorts beans, rice, maize, and peels pumpkin in preparation for tomorrow. Her day is complete after dinner is served, at 8pm.

It was a good first day and allowed me to get a feel for the kids personalities.

Flashback - 4/5/2010 - Lesson to be learned

Dear God -
I am still not sure why you sent me here. Am I supposed to get something out of this or am I here to impact the kids lives? Or neither? Why don't I know the answer to that question? Maybe this trip lesson in patience. But truth be told, I don't want to be patient. I want to know how the story ends before I read the book. Maybe I should just focus on being present. That is my prayer for today:

I pray to be present in each moment and with your help, experience life (both mine and kenyan).

I am curious, do you (you meaning blog followers) feel God is trying to teach you a lesson of some sort?

Flashback - 4/4/2010 - Am I really cut out for this?

Right now I am not sure I can stay for the whole trip. There is a pig pen right outside my dorm room. The pigs oink so loud it feels like they are in the room with me. Not to mention the smell - gross!

Oh, and the bathrooms. I officially retract my statement about the bathroom at the hotel. It was paradise compared to here. Last night I had to go to the bathroom twice and going to the bathroom here is not like going at home. At home I stumble into the bathroom, do my thing and stumble back to bed. It takes effort and awareness here. I have to get out of bed, grab my flashlight, toilet paper, and hand sanitizer. Then I put on my jacket, and rain boots. I don't put on the rain boots b/c of the rain. I put them on so the pee doesn't splash on my feet.


I foolishly thought I had realistic expectations about the orphanage. I keep telling myself it is not that bad, and I will adjust. I sure hope so!

I do appreciate the orphanage's attempt to make the toilet/shower more appealing. They named it "The Hilton". I am quite certain Paris Hilton wouldn't set foot in this "Hilton".